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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24368641">The end of the Fucking world - (season 3 fanmade fic)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/deaddarkness/pseuds/deaddarkness'>deaddarkness</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The End Of The Fucking World (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Animal Killing, Bonnie returns, Character Death, F/M, Fast Cars, Fast Food, Gay Sex, James is bi, James is husband material, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Multi, POV Alyssa (The End of the Fucking World), POV James (the end of the fucking world), Shower Sex, james falls for a man, pyschopath, soul searching</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:06:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,884</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24368641</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/deaddarkness/pseuds/deaddarkness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>James and Alyssa been drifting apart, Alyssa been focused on getting through therapy and its caused a strain on James. He couldn't wait forever and the appearance of a handsome mysterious man James leaves with him to experience the love he been longing to have. Though things aren't what they seem and everything goes down hill fast.</p><p>The story will be going between Alyssa POV and James POV</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alyssa &amp; James (The End of the Fucking World), Alyssa/James (The End of the Fucking World), James / OC male</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Escaping the rut</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>JAMES POV</p><p>My names James, I bored out of my mind. A lot has happened prior to this point all start the moment I met Alyssa. I wanted to kill her and yet I didn’t. From there it snowballed I ended up killing a man, and then got shot by the police. Honestly thinking about if Alyssa was the catalyst to the whole thing, Her reckless ways, lack of empathy though it some what injected some form of love inside me. My family life wasn’t that great my father ate himself to death, my mother committed suicide and well I’m without a home to live in. Or a family I had to come to grips with the fact that Alyssa only thing I feel like I have left to hold onto but now I feel like I need more. I need my chance to break out and be bold and go and find myself.</p><p>You probably wondering how things had changed, after being almost shot again by a woman named Bonnie, one we ought to not had felt sympathy or trusted in the first place then again we were naive and wanted adventure. We thought that be the last time we will even have to deal with the crime we committed even though I got off lightly as evidence was presented by a relation to the dead man. If that hadn’t been brought into light I could be behind bars right now, I feel like with the way things are I thought I would be happy.</p><p>I been living with Alyssa mothers friends Leigh place for a while, more likely taken residents in the small house near the lake due to circumstances I can’t live in my car forever I honestly taken up work at the cafe, something to anchor myself to as I been drifting around with no direction in life. At least its time I get to spend with Alyssa when she is there, her mother had decided that she needed therapy and Alyssa had been attending that at least once a week. I wondered if or when I might have a chance to get our relationship started that’s if only she is ready for it. I been patient with her sometimes I can’t help but feel like its not going to happen.</p><p>“James have you finished making sandwich back there?” Alyssa leaned against the kitchen door as I try my best to be a chef. I liked cooking I had to cook for myself or else I would ended up like my father. He died of a heart attack oddly enough when we were just making a start reconnecting. I didn’t like him much, though I felt sad that the time we had together was cut short. Seeing him lying on the bowling alley floor, I just got out of hospital after being unable to walk and suffered internal injuries that now render me infantile. I cried knowing that I may never experience my sexual side cause it been severed by a bullet. Though Alyssa seemed to understand now, before she seemed too wrapped up in herself the fact that she didn’t seem to care that I almost died in the process of trying to protect her.</p><p>“I’m almost done here” I placed the bread on top of the creation and handed the plate to Alyssa who grabbed it given me a smirk and went out the front. I watched her serve the plate to the customer and then watched them tentatively eat. I sighed to myself is this what I’m reduce to a cook, I honestly kind of miss having adventure getting away from here to go somewhere. “James next order here, look maybe like after the shift over we can hang out” Alyssa said as I just nodded giving her a subtle smile “Ok” I replied. Lately Alyssa hadn’t been swearing much, rarely hear the F word out of her or see her get angst which is a good sign I guess but cant help but feel like I miss that part of her.<br/>
I began prepping the next meal then I looked up through the serving window someone caught my eye. A man entered the cafe, I couldn’t take my eyes off him and that feeling I thought I wasn’t going to feel had appeared. </p><p>Was it fear, was it lust the fact I watched him sit down at the counter. Alyssa seemed to notice him too I felt should I feel jealous no. Alyssa went over to them and started her usual spiel of what you like to order and converse with them, though his eyes clearly wandered away from hers he looked straight at me. I was in a daze, he was very good looking he had a subtle facial hair, dark hair thick brows and eyes that were sea greenish blue that were alluring. I felt myself swoon a little I moved away from the window and leaned against the counter trying to process what I was feeling. “James wheres that order I gave you?” Alyssa barked as she had venture into the kitchen to see me a little flustered I didn’t want to look at her “Look lets swap for a while! I done with cooking in here” I was blunt as she given me her scornful look she does when I put my foot down. I try to whenever I do she never seems to take my words seriously.</p><p>“James this isn’t the time for you to have a fucking sad” </p><p>“Alyssa I need fucking break! Ok”</p><p>I really wanted to give her an earful, I get it you have problems but you have someone who you have to pay to listen to you off load on them. I took off the apron and shoved it at her and strode away out the door into the front area of the cafe and over to the man who I was looking at. Our voices clearly had alerted the patrons and the man who was now looking at me Alyssa clearly was feeling peeved. </p><p>“James!”</p><p>“I’m work out here you cook for a change!” I spat though I could see then Alyssa mum Gwen had waltz in, she was interesting woman. Alyssa used to live in a fancy house,  with twin siblings and apparently a man who just treated her like shit. They escaped that and ended up out here regardless of her mothers friend being hospitable they did eventually find a place for their own, I was given the small place out the back. I couldn’t live with Alyssa and her family it would been too much. The fact that we both worked here side by side was the only time we might spend together. That or after work whenever Alyssa felt in the right state of mind to be. </p><p>“Are you two fighting again?” she quirked as she walked around the counter and looked at me I huffed “I’m sorry I’m taking a break for now” she given me her judging look on that Alyssa clearly inherited “Alyssa you ok?” she then focused her attention on her daughter that left me with the man. “Hi there did you order anything?” I asked him he still giving me intense stare before a smile appeared on his face “I guess the service isn’t exactly fast, shame if your the one making the food” he said I couldn’t help wonder if that was a compliment or insult. Alyssa ventured away with her mother in tow at least that was given me some space to breath she been extremely dotting on her cause of everything that happened. She still blames me for it of course.</p><p>“It just difficult to try and work with someone you sometimes feel like is pushing your buttons too much. I take it your not from around here are you?”</p><p>“I just moved into the neighbourhood, if you feel like getting out of here I can take you for a ride?” </p><p>My heart was doing flips I smiled I felt tingly all over, then was feeling this towards a man I just met I wanted to know more about. He looked around my age if not a little younger “Ok” I decided to make my escape and I did. “James where you going?” Alyssa mum watched me and the man leave the cafe I felt like I been injected with a new energy. Alyssa looked on as I headed away over to a car, I want her to feel like how I felt when I found out she had married that man. I remembered I spent so much time watching her from a far I wanted her to move on I couldn’t I felt love for her I did admit that to her and she reciprocate. After that was said and done I feel like she wanted to get herself back together again and that meant waiting for her to do so. I been waiting patiently as I do but can’t help but wonder if it was going to happen. </p><p>I couldn’t believe the car I was getting it, compare to mine this was fancy and it looked out of place in this wooden landscape. “This is your car?” I couldn’t take my eyes of it as he just seemed pleased that he beguiled me “Yep come get in” I went around to the passenger side and opened the door and climbed in. The leather interior everything looked so new and shiny it been maintained with care. “Whats your name?” he asked as he closed the door and looked at me “James” I replied he just smiled again.</p><p>“And you are?”</p><p>“Names Declan” he started up the engine and then the car then drove away from the cafe with Alyssa and her mother looking speechless “Who's that…. And why did they take James? That guy was very good looking” Alyssa mum bit her lip as Alyssa pouted to herself, she clearly now feeling something “He was….” she stared at the remains of the dust trail the car left behind.<br/>
-----------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>ALYSSA POV</p><p>My names Alyssa I had been through a lot, and it was with the boy named James who now has disappeared. I hated the man mum shacked up with, hated that life that I decided why not take my chances and go after something or someone. That someone ended to be James a boy I met at school. I threw myself at him I didn’t know what he was capable of. I walked all over him he didn’t seem to have much of a back bone but I’ll admit I was the one who started the problem. It was my fault I broke into that mans house, drank his alcohol and slept in his bed until he came home. Things took a turn for the worst James stabbed him and we were left with having to clean up the scene. </p><p>James had snooped around and found evidence that this man abused and killed women. Lot’s of them photographs and video footage we placed next to the lifeless body, From there we were on the run and one person we decided to have a hope with was my father. I hadn’t seen him in a long time and whilst the reunion was great eventually left to realise that he had seen another woman and had another kid. Not to mention he still a drug dealer, James didn’t feel right about staying with him and of course that led to the police tracking us down. After that I thought James was dead.</p><p>I had to forget about him, I did the best I could as we moved forward though as soon as I found a guy to love, I married with haste only to realise I didn’t love him at all. I wasn’t aware that James was lurking around in his car, the fact he had his father ashes with him where ever we went. I was so foolish to make James pick up that hitchhiker Bonnie. We didn’t know she loved that man we killed, and she could have killed us if she didn’t seem to have a change of heart. After that clarity had came, James did say he loved me and I replied in my usual daft sense but I had conditions. I needed to get myself back to normal whatever that was if not change myself for the better.</p><p>Mother and I had found a place for ourselves cause her friend was getting tired of having us but she reluctantly decided to give James the small house and a job at the cafe in order to pay for his boarding. I couldn’t help but feel like we are drifting apart even though things had settled down into what was normal life. Why do I feel the need to do something bad again in order to experience something. Maybe I should consider other choices specially in guys, I know that’s sad for me to say I know James isn’t going to give me much pleasure I feel like I missed that chance. He must feel less of a man without being able to experience that, all because of me.</p><p>I am making progress in therapy, I am starting to see things in a new light. I really wanted to have a future with James. Even if it meant not experiencing life as a mother I know there other ways and let alone the fact I’m even thinking about this is a huge thing for me. “I guess I don’t know when James be back……..if he comes back….” I wondered though had I been withholding my affection for him too long. I can’t remember the last time I even kissed him and I was a while ago cause he was respecting the whole space thing. It felt like we seemed to just but heads now and again at the cafe I would watch him and go I could marry him regardless he can’t give me anything in the sexual department.</p><p>“Oh well lets get you to your next therapy session that’s why I came by I’m worried going to be late” my mother said as we headed over to the car and got in. She had changed, I feel like she too had cleared her mind of the trash of the man she had consider boyfriend material thank god for that.</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------<br/>
JAMES POV</p><p>“James I take it you hadn’t been anywhere much?”</p><p>“Nothing like this, I have a car it was my dad’s but he died kind of reminds me of him. I wanted to buy it at the time but he declined. I stole his previous car went on a crazy joy ride and well crashed it….” memories of me trying to take my shirt off cause Alyssa was like in the mood for some sex whilst driving was the mostly stupidest thing to even do. The car blew up and we were stuck walking around until we stumbled across the house. The house that burned into our minds, Alyssa was haunted by that night I was but not as much as she was. Maybe cause she was the victim here, maybe it was karma I still don’t know why I went along with her. She was meant to be the one I killed, I use to kill things. Whether it was cause seeing my mother died, the lack of my father being decent I couldn’t help but want to kill things. Animals mostly suffered my blade one thing my dad did right give me a knife to protect myself.</p><p>“Wow James I didn’t think your the type to steal a car”</p><p>“I was bored I wanted to do something spontaneity then again was kind of to impress Alyssa”</p><p>“Alyssa that girl at the cafe? Do you fancy her?”</p><p>“Well...I kind of do….” I didn’t want to sound definite my answer cause that was how I was feeling. </p><p>“Kind of I take it things kind of… aren’t working?”</p><p>“That’s none of your business this conversation very one sided” I blurted out that sent some tension into Declan. He wasn’t expecting me to have abruptness to me he licked his lips and kept his eyes on the road “Ok what do you want to know?” he said flatly though I could ask him a lot of things but my mind seemed to be frozen up and I felt unable to say anything. “If your wondering about how I got to own a car like this? I kind of came into some money. Due to family inheritance also the house I live in I’ll take you there” I just nodded he seemed sound and plausible and sane. It was then I try to think of a question “What do you for a living?” Declan remained focused on the road as he soon coming into the suburban area which it was then flash of memory were ignite into my mind.</p><p>“I write….my father was a professor at the university he published a book. Though a while ago he was murdered” it was then my heart was jumping about, this couldn’t be coincidence. I thought my ties to that were over I never consider that were more people connected to that man Clive Koch I never knew him in depth. “Oh I’m sorry for your loss…..” I stuttered oh no I hope he isn’t like his father. I was panicking now he couldn’t have hunted me down to now take vengeance on his father’s murder. The car soon pulled into the drive way and my nightmare was there. The house that now Declan lives in the one where so many bad memories existed for me.</p><p>Declan turned the car engine off and glared at me hard I didn’t want to make eye contact I was trying to maintain composure don’t make him sense your scared of him. “You coming inside?” he said as I just put on a smile and got out of the car into the air, a breeze blew I felt a cold shiver now as we entered the house. I hope inside it wasn't the same at all please be different. I took in a deep breath lucky the inside was slightly different. </p><p>“Nice place you have here” I trembled over the words as he led me into the large room that was the lounge area, plush sofa near the large window with a coffee table in front of it and another couch opposite that. In the back area was a small study area set up and on the wall a flat screen TV sound system this wasn't the retro decor that his father had in here. “This is the best thing that has happened, my mother sure she loved me my dead beat father wasn’t the nicest guy Ill admit. He divorced her and then well went after various women and killed them. When I found out someone finally ended his life I felt like a huge cloud been lifted from me” Declan sat down on the couch near the large window and looked over at me. I didn’t know what to do he seemed not aware that I was the one who killed him.</p><p>“Come sit down next me” Declan padded the empty space next to him giving me a look I was reluctant to move I wanted to run, though he seemed be unaware of what had happened and was not making connection to me murdering his father. I went over and sat down and enjoyed the softness of the seat “So you didn’t care much for him….I take it you weren't close?” I asked though he laid back still staring at me intensely before pulling out a book from the pile on the coffee table. It was the one that I remember seeing Existential Exit by Clive Koch, its hard to forget specially when Bonnie had a copy stashed in her car. Oddly enough I read that book outside the bedroom door whilst Alyssa took a nap.</p><p>“James I know….you killed him...” Declan said in unnerving tone that made me feel scared. I felt myself panicking I didn’t want to in case he makes a move.<br/>
“Look I’m sorry for what had happened…..please just let me go…...”<br/>
I whimpered Declan threw the book back onto the table. I tried to move though he grabbed me and I froze “James I’m not going to hurt you….calm down” Declan said I moved away from him freed myself from his hold and given him distressed look.</p><p>“I’ll calm down when I know your not going to hurt me…...” I couldn’t help saying it, was I wrong to get into Declan’s car and leave Alyssa and the cafe behind. That was safe place, too safe now I’m inside the last place I wanted to be in. Declan put up his hands like his surrendering “I’m not like my father….I wont hurt you I’m more less interested in getting to you know. I want to write a story about what makes people want to commit a crime. Sure my father was into psychological stuff he clearly was insane” Declan voice soften to a lower deep tone it almost like hearing my own voice, we sounded similar which was uncanny. More the I look at him more I feel like I was looking at a version of myself one which had money to burn and urge to drive fast sport car around on the country roads. “Ok...it’s just I….well” words struggled to come out of my mouth yet I returned to the sitting down again next to him.</p><p>It was then Declan’s hand grazed my face brushed my cheek softly chaste touch that sent a shiver down my spine. “I felt something the moment I saw you and I could tell you were felt it too” Declan voice curled about in my ear his hand rested on my leg which was making me feel a little uncomfortable. This reminded me when Alyssa threw herself at me kissing me making me grope her. I hadn't done anything like that at all for a long time and now my stomach was giving me a motion that made me feel sick. “I admit you caught my eye, I was curious compare to usual cafe customers not many drive fancy cars” Declan shifted a little closer and couldn’t help wonder how to react to this. If was Alyssa I would have been less on guard but maybe that was the problem. </p><p>I hadn't been best with expression affection, I hadn’t been a child that was loved and smothered with hugs and kisses. When it came to the sex talk father was pretty much plain and somewhat to the point then again that was with girls. This was something else entirely new and foreign to me that I wanted to allow it to happen. “You into me? I just want to know right now” though the move he made next was clear and caught me off guard. He did bring his lips, face closer to mine so close I had to close my eyes, my lips trembling with anticipation of what may happen. Contact was made and I didn’t pull away I felt extremely warm as his lips were on mine. Again I’m slow to reacted working out how to kiss him back eventually I did and I was enjoying it with such carnal lust.</p><p>The kiss soon ended and felt like I had fire blown into my inside and ignited something deep and dormant. That should been what Alyssa did to me sadly, I couldn’t think about her at this moment. “James you got a lot to learn, I think your capable of doing better” Declan said in smugly I felt my face blushed I let a giggle leave my lips. I felt like a girl, I was smitten by Declan’s charms. I didn’t feel on edge anymore, he was genuine though I wonder if somewhere inside him, was something dark and foreboding that he was hiding away from me. “Look ummmm…. Trust me I wish I could. If this is going to go any further I have to tell you something” Declan looked at me again he had stayed close to me more so he had his arms around me I could feel a hand slide under my shirt and stroke the skin.</p><p>“Well what is it?”</p><p>“I’m unable to function, I sustain an injury that had affect my” I gestured to my crotch which wasn’t react to the attention at all. Declan looked down and then back into my eyes, was this the deal breaker it felt like one. Was he going to back off? I didn’t know what to do just waited awkwardly though he brought his face against mine “I understand if this kind of a disappointment and all but its been difficult to feel like… a man” I swallowed my words I felt like crying I didn’t want to though Declan just shushed me and held me close he buried his face into my over grown hair and placed a kiss on my head. “How about a drink?” he then let me go and got up and went over to trolley, this reminded me of when Alyssa went into a drinking binge and tried to give me a blow job whilst that photo of Clive stared at me.</p><p>I remember how disappointed she was when I told her that was putting me off, she then left to come back to try and have sex with a man off the street. I wanted to give her flowers  that I pulled out of the pot in the backyard and present them to her. Alyssa couldn’t care less at the time I bet she realises how stupid she was to ignore it. Kind of odd how karma came and bit her on the arse. Both of us were burned with that horrible night that we try to forget.</p><p>“Ok” I replied as he looked at the bottles before plucking one and pouring the contents into two glasses. I need to pick Declan’s brain some more, I needed to know about him if he wants to know about me. He passed me the glass I stare at it for a moment he taken up space again on the couch next to me and drank. I followed and it was familiar whisky I believe the taste reminded me of Alyssa. “So your impotent?” that word I didn’t like it was what I’m going to go along with, the idea never being able to have erection and masturbate like I use to it brought the hollowness inside me. “Yes….I might as well tell you I was shot in this area” Declan paused in his drinking and looked at me in the eyes “I’m sorry to hear that….” he finished his glass before putting it on the table. Silenced settle upon us that was very personal detail I just shared again Declan was sympathetic though he turned to face me.</p><p>“Maybe I should go, I feel like I have nothing to offer here I said too much”</p><p>“You don’t need to leave, you need someone to understand you” </p><p>“Right….I honestly don’t have anyone to talk to, Alyssa seeking medical help her mother is paying for. I feel like I cant talk to her about stuff even though she...my girlfriend….”</p><p>“Girlfriend? I thought you weren’t sure about what she was”</p><p>“I’m not sure what to think anymore. I just want to feel something different I been stuck in a rut waiting forever for Alyssa to come back to me and start a relationship!”</p><p>Declan allowed me to vent I got up from the couch and then started walking about the living area. “You either love her or you clearly want you an outlet for your pent up sexual urges to be dealt with”</p><p>“What the fuck you saying?” I wondered if this how it feels to be in therapy have one person being mutual listener the one that suppose to give you support and you just off load everything onto them for them to give you a response.</p><p>“You need to get all that pent up emotions out and get in touch with what you are deep down. Reconnect with what your are James” Declan stood up from the couch and remain standing there. Interesting he is encouraging me to reconnect with myself again I willing to take his words with such eagerness that I didn’t feel like fighting against him. </p><p>“I have a lot I don’t think its fair for me to tell you everything right now” Declan just nodded I decided to move back over to where he stood I had a choice make him take me back home, or explore the feelings I was having at this moment. “What be the best way for to let this all go….”</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------<br/>
ALYSSA POV</p><p>Another session in the therapist office, my mother hoped my therapist would been a young  good guy she could try and hook up with, its been a while since she even dated at man. I sat there on the couch and looked around the office my therapist was a middle age woman who spoke softly. We often tend to go through things we covered previously yet James will forever be a topic that will keep the things rolling along.</p><p>“Have you made any progress? Controlling your temper and such?”</p><p>“I tried its hard to not snap”</p><p>“The anger needs to be let out but not directed at someone who doesn’t deserve it. I know how that sounds you are angry at a lot of things but then channelling that away in a less abrasive form be best”</p><p>Fuck this woman she thinks I have anger management problems, really I’m still trying to figure out why I ended up so messed up. I thought after a year of not seeing James at all things were settling down but it hadn’t at all. I just stuffed it into a dark corner of my mind and tried to bury it deep. It still somehow breaches the depths and I have to deal with it. </p><p> </p><p>“How is James is he still troublesome?”</p><p>Troublesome James, oddly enough he been feeling pretty distant my mind went back to what happened at the cafe. Your wondering why I’m working there still, its a job and its with mums friend who grown to like me as employee. She reluctantly given Jame’s a place due to being homeless, mother didn’t see right to have him in the house with me at all. Irony the boy I have feelings for I cant even be with.</p><p>“If you don’t wish to discuss that we could focus on another area?”</p><p>“James hadn’t been giving me problems, though we did have a disagreement and he left with a stranger who was in the cafe. He drove a fancy car my mum was like wondering what it wasn’t me stupid cow” I huffed and folded my arms I watched the therapist write it down onto her notepad.</p><p>“So he left you and you feel?”</p><p>“I don’t fucking know” I had a few choice words now to blurt out but I’ll leave it with the trademark F bomb I use. </p><p>“I see this is still a sensitive matter we still need to explore. James clearly means a lot to you” the therapist stated.</p><p>“He does….I can’t help but feel like I been putting up a wall around me cause I want to be mentally stable to try and have something with him”  I couldn’t help but feel sadness hit me again mums like make the most of these sessions. She didn’t know if she could paying for them at all. I grabbed a tissue from the side table and held in my clenched hands I felt tears escaping my eyes. I wanted to be sane again, I want to be a better person and learn to let go of all that baggage in the past.<br/>
-----------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>JAMES POV</p><p>Declan response to my question was seduced by his lips again, another kiss and this time around I had more confidence in myself and he clearly was enjoying it. I wanted to moan I held onto him as he somehow pinned to empty space of wall. My legs wanted to coil around his and use his body to keep me balance. He pulled away and moaned my eyes were closed my mouth open he was attack my neck which I offered up willingly. “Uhnnnn Declan… Declan…...” I could tell his hands already under my shirt one was one my back hiking it up exposing my skin to the cool wall behind it. </p><p>“Your not that out of touch with your sexual prowess, I really want to take this to the bedroom” all I could do is enjoy the haze I was in. Was it the drink? I only had one though there were a couple more that everything seemed to be a blur. Part of me should be screaming stop now what about Alyssa? Alyssa……</p><p>“Ok” I said with out a care of thought, Ok seems to be my go to word now I realise I should try and back track but I was trapped between two choices and one of them was now becoming more about what I wanted right now. The other is to go back and wait for Alyssa and connect with her again. I clearly made enlightening discovery it harked back to when my father was like thinking I was gay until I brought Alyssa over and she set him straight.</p><p>Alyssa always seemed to taken charge of situations that arises I was pulled along to comply or else. I was never the one taking the lead here, she did and I allowed her too easily. Maybe I just liked it in the end, I clearly am infatuated with a man does this make me Bi curious? “Wait you really want to do this” I had to try and slow things down to a pace that wasn’t going to be on the level of Alyssa erratic behaviour. </p><p>“You think we going to fast? you got me in the mood” Declan sounded a little disappointed as he let go of me I stood on my feet again. “I could tell I’ll be happy to tend to that I don’t know how ill go with blow jobs” I mumbled as Declan sighs he moved away from me and sat on the couch again, I moved over to where he sat and knelt down between his parted legs. He looked down at me he undid the fly on his pants and freed himself I reluctantly taken the warm harden organ into my mouth gingerly “I hope you do better at this you look so beautiful…...” Declan purrs his hands were in my hair as I started to lick and suck the flesh. I did what I could I swear he was almost gagging me, I did feel a little sick but I pushed forward I could tell he was somewhat enjoying fucking my throat with his cock.</p><p>I eventually felt the foreign body fluid pour into my mouth I had no choice but to accept it I didn’t want to make Declan feel more rejected about me. I pulled my mouth away felt like puking a little my eyes were a little watery yet he hands were cradling my face and wiping away the stray seed from my cheek. I really needed a drink I spied the glass I left on the coffee table and grabbed it to down the last of its contents. I washed it around my mouth and swallowed it still the taste was there.</p><p>Declan seemed to enjoyed his orgasm at least his face was expressing it though it quickly turned into somewhat displeased look “I guess I’m no good” I whispered that moment I wasn’t feeling like I taken the lead.  “I wouldn’t say that practise makes perfect James….I enjoyed fucking your throat” his words seemed to have encouragement for me I felt less incompetent now in myself. Alyssa doesn’t need to know about this, though should at least tell her that it was over between us. Then again I don’t know if Declan was going to take me back home now.</p><p>“Are you going to take me home? You can see its not much of a place..believe me I spent months in a car.. sleeping bag was my bed….”</p><p>Words were just falling out of my mouth as I struggled to get up on my feet. I felt drunk that I swear I couldn’t see straight. There seemed to be like three Declan’s sitting in front of me that made my eyes squint to make them form one Declan. Then his face seemed to change to somewhat shock and I fainted on the floor. Darkness settle into my head I have no idea what was going on.<br/>
-----------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>ALYSSA POV</p><p>After another droning session with the therapist my mum being the her usual self wanted to converse with me.</p><p>My mind still wondering about where James had went, seeing him leave after having a spat with me in the cafe made me think have I been too hard on James. Maybe if he has come back I’ll make sure to kiss him and stuff. I miss him kissing me, I remember he was awkward the first time then he still struggling then again we weren’t the best at this at all. That’s why we seemed to understand each other.</p><p>“Well Alyssa I don’t know if I could paying the rates for this, got to think about other priorities”</p><p>Like the fact that my mother still raising now two young kids plus me, I can see why she seemed to be a little frazzled. I got to try and be a better person specially towards her for sake of fairness.</p><p>“I understand, I just want to see James...”</p><p>Mother rolled her eyes and sighed she still seemed to be not happy with James. She knows the whole story I think she more want me to find a guy who was like the one I was married to for short period of time. Was I foolish to leave Todd starting to wonder about that she paid for the wedding and it was a lovely ceremony. Then James came back in and brought up everything I tried to suppress. </p><p>I wish James didn’t get shot, I wish he wasn’t a broken man. </p><p>“Alyssa I think it’s time you reconsider finding someone else, I didn’t like the fact you discarded Todd you could had future with him”</p><p>“I could have….maybe I could had that house he wanted, family everything but no. I’m wasn’t ready to be tied down to him” I replied.</p><p>This now made me think about my father, its been a long time since they divorced and he lives in a caravan by the seaside. Drug dealer I wonder if the cops did end up taking him for that at all, I remember how was happy to meet him again then quickly realise he just wanted to turn me and James in for the reward.</p><p>“I’m sure you will find someone Alyssa then you feel happy again” I stared out the window at the scenery as we headed home, I wanted to see James I wanted to throw myself out of the car to make a point. </p><p>“What the….” mother slowed the car down and noticed a boy standing the side of the road he was waving trying to get out attention and my eyes widen at whom it was. Frodo omg…… the guy from the gas station. The one that said he wanted to do more than just sell petrol with his bitch of a mother. </p><p>“Mum I know him its ok”</p><p>“Alyssa….I don’t usually pick up hitchhikers, he kind of cute”</p><p>“Oh god mum…….”</p><p>I wondered if it was right thing to do to, we did ditch him back at the petrol station cause we didn’t want a third person involved in the problem we were in. </p><p>Frodo walked over and almost didn’t a double take when he saw my face</p><p>“You I remember you and that guy who caused a stir at the petrol station. I got to admit highlight moment at first then you ditch me! My mum was spewing and I ended up quitting that job and decided to roam around by myself”</p><p>“Adventure is what you wanted? Did you need a lift?”</p><p>“Umm yeah if that’s alright?”</p><p>Mother just sat there being her pleasant self thought she was nudging me to hospitable. Frodo looked like an utter goof ball “Sure get in whats your name?” Mother chirped “Frodo yeah its an odd name. So wheres that guy you had hanging off you? James?” great Frodo remembers James was like attach appendage to me. The conversation was awkward and brought up the past events I thought I forgotten and mother just grumbles to herself.</p><p>Great I’m stuck with Frodo, for now. Oddly enough I didn’t see James at all and well mother happy catered to Frodo who again was still his quirky self. I never planned on getting to know him now more I watch him, more I kind of felt sorry for ditching him. Frodo wasn’t that bad he was bearable and his story about him trekking about reminded me of when me and James tried to do the same.</p><p>The night had came and Frodo was still around, mother was hoping that I would take the hint maybe Frodo fancies me. I kind of don’t feel the same I wish mother stop playing match maker for me. After dinner me and Frodo decided to go sit on the deck outside look at the darkening sky.<br/>
“I’m glad I ran into you nice to see a familiar face. Your mother really nice and your siblings are cute. I’m only child”<br/>
“I wish I was an only child. I think you should go”<br/>
“I don’t have anywhere to go to”<br/>
Fucking great another boy without a place to stay. Should I consider myself a woman that ruins men lives. Still don’t know what happened with James, we don’t exactly own phones at all and no point me trying to call Leigh to see if James had come back. I seemed to worry about him now compare to before where I just thought about myself.<br/>
“Frodo you can stay here for a the night in the spare room. Isn’t your mother worried about you?”<br/>
“Probably I been avoiding her for a while, I guess I could use your phone give her a call and deal with her yelling at me”<br/>
I rolled my eyes as Frodo headed inside to use our phone Mother just beamed, I was not enjoying myself at all. “Stop it! Fucking stop this thing your trying to do here” I yelled at her she recoiled from my outburst. “Frodo looks like a nice man you could at least give him a try”<br/>
“I don’t like him! I like James! Fucking James OK!” I stormed past her and ran upstairs to my room slamming the door.</p><p>I wish I had a way to call James all I could do is try and call Leigh, mum did get me a new mobile phone though James still doesn’t own one makes it harder for us to even talk when we aren’t even in each others presence. I grabbed the phone off charge and started typing in Leigh’s number.<br/>
It rang for a bit and soon enough I heard her voice on the other end of the line<br/>
“Hello”<br/>
“Hi Leigh its Alyssa here I was wondering if you know if James had come back?”<br/>
I waited on edge I didn’t want to think something bad as happened to him, I want to hear that he was there safe.<br/>
“I hadn’t seen him kind of left me in a position at the cafe with no wait staff, I know your mother had asked for you to go to your appointment. I wasn’t aware that James had left as well. I’ll let you know if I see him”<br/>
“Thanks” I hung up oh god I feel a wave of worried hit me. I been such a prick towards him I should given him some affection at least I kept my wall up until I felt I can be comfortable around him again. I guess I should have faith and hope he is alright I suppose.</p><p> </p><p>End of episode 1</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Changes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>JAMES POV</p><p>I don’t know how long I was out for or what time it was. I shifted a little and noticed I was lying on a couch staring at the ceiling. I felt woozy and tried to sit up. What had happened? I looked around and noticed I still in the lounge area of Declan’s house and it was day light outside. The sun was out, I looked over to the table and noticed two carefully placed items made me quirk a brow.<br/>
What got me surprised was that I wasn’t wearing my clothes, all I had on was my boxers on everything was exposed I slowly sat up and noticed the sun glasses and sun screen sitting on the table. Outside heard what sounded like a splash, I remember there’s a pool and clearly Declan was swimming in it.<br/>
I shifted off the couch I did feel a little sore but there was no evidence of any markings or stuff Declan clearly didn’t seem to taken advantage of me when I was in a sedated state. Still doesn’t explain the absence of my clothes I needed answers. I needed to go back to see Alyssa she probably wondering where I am. I reluctantly picked up the sunglasses and the sun screen and headed out towards the side door that led into the yard. There before me Declan was stretched out on a lounge chair I felt myself swoon a little looking at him before he noticed me.</p><p>“You awake? You slept for a long time I was a little worried you did puke on yourself. I take it you never experienced being drunk before...” Oh god I was drunk and sick I barely remembered anything of what had happened.</p><p>“Oh….again… I feel terrible” I felt it though he padded the empty chair next to him, I reluctantly went over to it and laid down on it. The sun felt so warm was making feel good on my bare skin.</p><p>“James your always so apologetic, here give me the sun screen I'll apply it on you” my heart was racing again his voice was driving me into lust again. It didn’t help he was wearing such a bold leopard print swimming trunks that were clinging to his lower half and open shirt to match, oddly enough heart shaped sunglasses. </p><p>The squirt of the liquid into his hand sounded crude soon his hands were pressed against my pale flesh, slowly covering it with cream. “How long was I asleep for? I swear I came to your house in the afternoon….” why was I fearing I spent the night here intoxicated at the mercy of Declan. Declan just kept massaging every touch I wanted to moan, every touch I relished with such pleasure “You did I couldn’t take you back to your house you were out of it. Then passed out cause you were drunk and of course vomited. Let’s say that was the low point of our encounter” I did feel awful I realised Declan had tended to my intoxicated self he didn’t take me home at all cause of it.</p><p>“That was very kind of you, I feel like I over stayed my welcome…..” </p><p>“James….I don’t want you to feel like your unwelcome here” he stroked me some more with his cream covered hand that I withered with pleasure. His voice was so soothing I could listen to it forever.</p><p>“You do realise I need to go back… Alyssa probably like wondering where I am”</p><p>“Alyssa…...” he stopped with the touching and laid back into the lounge chair and looked away from me. I’m starting to see Declan was expressing distaste towards Alyssa, he never met her apart from the cafe stint.</p><p>I didn’t want him to look like this, kind of simmering jealously or something else. I had to do something so I made a rather bold move. I moved from the chair and straddle his wet body, I felt his manhood pressed against mine and looked at him seductive like the feeling was there even though I still couldn’t show it myself. “What you doing?” he raised a brow I didn’t know how he was going to react I just wanted him to not think ill of Alyssa maybe focus on me being on him.</p><p>“I like you….I do….I want to help you with your writing. I don’t want you to be upset cause I have feelings for Alyssa and I can tell you seem to not like that….”</p><p>“James I get it, you want to have something with this girlfriend of yours but from what you been telling me she not what you want. What happened to your hand?”</p><p>My hand he seemed to finally noticed its oddity reminded me of everything. That hit me hard, I lost everything and the only thing I had that was there was her. Then again if she wasn’t so pushy and extroverted I wondered where I would been right now. Before I met her I would go and kill innocent animals, put up with my father and his disgusting eating and forever try to forget my mother. That day was still clear in my head I wanted to go to the lake to feed the ducks. After agreeing mother drove me to the lake and parked the car on the shore.</p><p>I was only a child back then so it was heartbreaking moment to turn around and saw my mothers car sinking into the water. Why did she do it though? Was she that unhappy that she didn’t want to be around anymore. There had to other reasons for her depressed state of mind that drove her to suicide.</p><p>“Declan….”</p><p>“I don’t want you to go, I don’t want Alyssa interfering with what we are developing here. Your straddling me clearly you using your sexual side you hadn’t had a chance to”</p><p>I realised what I was doing I shifted off him and stood up it sounded like he wanted me to live with him here. Never to go back to Alyssa at all there wasn’t any sign of a threat to it could been hidden amongst the words and the tone of his voice when he spoke that to me. </p><p>“I like to get my clothes and could you drive me back….” I stammered though he didn’t move from his lounge chair and stared ahead at the blueness of the pool behind me. Clearly he wasn’t and maybe I need to make my own back somehow. Maybe I could get Leigh to come collect me or drive my car over here so I can drive back.</p><p>“I’m not driving you back….why don’t you go for a swim” Declan then shifted out of the lounge chair and stood in front of me. I rarely can swim I cant remember the last time I even went in water but Declan grabbed me suddenly shifted the weight and pulled me over the edge and landed in the water. The sudden shock of cold water hit me I felt like I was sinking into the depths with Declan clung onto me. I couldn’t breathe and the water was entering through my mouth which bubbles were escaping, sudden jerk upwards from Declan we breached the surface and spat out what I swallowed at him.</p><p>“Fucking hell!” I swore and struggled to swim as Declan grabbed me and kissed me again I wrestled though he pinned me against the wall holding me above the water whilst he tread it. Great I was now completely wet in my boxers Declan sudden move caught me off guard yet he still held me against the pool wall and brought his face inches to mine. </p><p>“You listen to me! If you bring up Alyssa again things wont be so pleasurable for you” I gasped he was giving me a sinister look I wanted to get away from him, he soon backed off I grabbed the wall edge he swum away from me down to the other end of the pool I shook as I struggled to try and climb out from the deep end. Declan wasn’t exactly there helping me at all I got out and laid on the concrete dripping wet still trying to get my breathing back. “I wont mention her again! If you please let me contact her to let her know I’m ok” I wanted to make a deal desperately now I felt fear grip me.</p><p>If Declan had unstable side to him it had showed its ugly head, he could have drowned me and hurt me in the process. I sat up and saw him standing over me looking down. </p><p>“You going to behave? And be a good boy or do I need to consider some discipline”</p><p>“Can I have a towel or something? Also I need underwear now that these are wet”</p><p>Declan smiled as he helped me up and he pulled me against his body the sun was warming us up and soon enough we parted a towel was tossed at me and he headed back inside leaving me alone. I stood there for a moment before walking back in I noticed he wasn’t in the lounge must have gone upstairs to get changed. I wondered where the laundry room was I did hear the humming of a machine. I decided to follow the noise I bypassed the linen cupboard I remember taking a vase out of. At the time I didn’t notice a clearly disturbing amount of unknown bottles sitting there clearly they were stuff Clive used upon the poor women he brutally murdered.</p><p>I opened the cupboard and thank goodness it wasn’t showing anything alarming to me. I went over to the washing machine and noticed the dryer. I proceeded to remove the wet boxers and put them into the dryer and turned it on. At least I had the towel I wrapped myself in and waited. </p><p>“You don’t need any help do you?” I turned to see Declan by the door way leaning against it looking at me. “I can take care of myself, is it ok I can go get my things and just let Leigh know I wont be needing to stay where I am….did you want me to stay here with you?” Declan smirked as he sauntered over to me and pressed me against the wall. He wrapped his arms around me and of course he was running his fingers over my naked flesh “Sounds reasonable I’ll keep an eye on you” Declan placed his lips on mine again wasn’t intense kiss I could tell he was aroused then he given me a pair of his underwear before backing off “Put those on for now get dressed” I compiled now I’m concern what if I run into Alyssa I don’t want anything to spark that anger I saw in Declan before.</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>
ALYSSA POV</p><p>After a restless sleep it was the next day I had a shift to do at the cafe, mother had decided to take Frodo along who stayed over. Frodo had intense call with his mother and he was reluctant to go back home, but he was running out of cash to get by the idea of getting a job at Leigh’s cafe seemed like an opportunity for him.</p><p>“I wonder if should ask see if I could get some work?” Frodo pondered again I rolled my eyes I didn’t want to be with him.</p><p>It was then I spotted a familiar car in the parking lot, the flashy sports car that James had got into yesterday it was there.</p><p>Mother soon parked the car and looked at it her brows knitted inwards “I’m getting out did you want to go see Leigh?” I asked as Frodo already out of the car and gawking at the vehicle. “I guess so maybe will try and help Frodo out a little” she quirked I wanted to her to stop but it was best I didn’t snap my head off at her again.</p><p>“Sure dear” she replied curtly we all got out Frodo was already admiring the flashy car, I was concern as to where James was. Leigh was on the porch talking to James she turned and noticed me and mother had appeared. My eyes went to the unknown man and I stared at him he stared back he seemed to hovering extremely close to James.</p><p>“Hi I hope you don’t mind us coming by” my mother said as Leigh just smiled</p><p>“Its alright James is just moving out” Leigh said that left me a little surprised and concern he couldn’t consider moving in with this guy he just saw yesterday.</p><p>James didn’t seem to say anything to me he kept quiet and to himself though Frodo eventually came up and saw him.</p><p>“James its me Frodo from the petrol heist you pulled off”</p><p>Why was this whole scene so majorly awkward and fucked up James just gave a subtle smile looked at the man like if was needing some sort of permission to talk.</p><p>“I think I better be going thank you for everything. I’ll let you know if there’s any changes” he then turned and walked away ignoring Frodo, me and my mother. I watched him take what was little of his belongings and got into his car. I wish I knew who this guy was now he seemed to be giving me some creepy vibes “Whats wrong with him?” Frodo watched the two cars leave the property together I was thinking the same thing.</p><p>“Anyways…. Leigh I was wondering if you have work still going Frodo here be an excellent replacement for James I’m sure of it” my mother smiled as Leigh looked at Frodo up and down</p><p>“I suppose could give you a run do you cook?”</p><p>“Kind of if I cant cook I could wait tables and stuff” Frodo wasn’t doing the best to sound impressive towards Leigh.</p><p>This was unbearable but I still wanted to go after James I have no idea to where to even look at all. Not that it has stopped me in the past just to run away and explore then again mothers boyfriend then swayed me to leave anyways he kept me apart from my mother when I did need her.  Now mother wasn’t seeing anyone she did get a part time job just to make ends meet we weren’t living the fancy life we had before everything went to shit.</p><p>After my mother and Leigh talked we eventually had moved to the cafe and I had to start work, Leigh was giving me a look as she trained Frodo who seemed eager to try his hand being in the hospitality business.<br/>
------------------------------------------------------------------ </p><p>JAMES POV</p><p>The drive back in my own car I realised I was alone, I had a chance to either consider escaping though I didn’t, I followed Declan’s car all the back to his house. That moment I had experience was awkward I was on edge the moment Alyssa appeared I didn’t speak I was scared that Declan might act upon his threat or do something bad in front of everyone. I still had the car my dad brought to think I could drive anywhere by myself knowing he was there in spirit.</p><p>I felt so lonely and I was hoping Alyssa would make me feel that less now with how things been I hadn’t felt wanted. Now that I met Declan he is sparking that inside me, desires, passion, love he genuinely wanted to protect me at the same time he was putting a fence up between me and Alyssa. I wish I could at least talked to her I wanted to tell her ill be fine even though depends on how Declan’s going to be.</p><p>I’m curious about he wants to use me as a subject for his book he wanted to write about. Made me wonder what sort of research he planning to do that required me. I’ll admit he made me feel things that I wish I felt with Alyssa. I did feel that for her but it felt less strong over time I wish she didn’t deny me so much. I bet she kind of regretting it right now not that I wanted to do this to her, I didn’t want her to get hurt again.</p><p>Soon enough I pulled up into the drive way careful cause I didn’t want to dent Declan’s car and turned off the engine. I watched him get out of his car and walked over to me “I didn’t say anything to her as you suggested” I watched his lips curl up into a grin “Good boy” was his response and he caressed my cheek with his hand before walking away over to the front the door.</p><p>Though seeing Frodo was odd, I hadn’t seen since the petrol robbery what was he doing out here. Even so he was with Alyssa and her mother? Alyssa couldn’t stand Frodo at all so seemed weird he happened to be there with them. I got out of the car and headed inside with my bag of clothes, I didn’t have much in belongings oddly enough the sleeping bag was still in my car, it did stink after months of sleeping in it but I’m sure that it could be aired out and that.</p><p>I got to realise now I actually have a proper house to be inside of, even if it wasn’t one that I own but one I’m reluctantly going to share with Declan. I wonder how long though I pondered as I entered the house and saw Declan standing there “I’m grateful for you taking me in” he smiled and led me up the spiral stair case. This brought back memories now I’m heading back up to the bedroom at the top.</p><p>“It will be fine James, more so I can share a bed with you” he kissed me again and played with my hair which was in need of a hair cut. Every time he does this I was becoming more smitten by it I loved it so much. I turned and noted the bedroom thank god the decor wasn’t the same at all though again leopard print seemed to make appearance here too not that I mind it much clearly part of Declan’s personality I suppose. I did spot some items of sexual nature he clearly hadn’t exactly placed them away.</p><p>“Oh I see you eyeing off the lube and that don’t worry about them” he said flatly as he headed over to a chest of drawers and dug around a bit “If you want a space for your clothes put them in here” such kindness I took whatever I had and placed them into the drawer space and closed it.</p><p>If this wasn’t making me stepping out the rut I was in I was feeling confident in myself. I turned and went back over to Declan who was on his bed playing with his phone “So what now?” I asked he stopped and looked at me “I’m hungry how about you put those cooking skills to use” he said as I nodded, domestication role assigned to me sounds fair since I’ll be living here. “I guess I cook up something anything particular?” I had to ask I didn’t want to end up making something he might turn his nose up at “Sandwich will be fine” he said I replied “Ok” at least something easy and it was getting onto lunch time. I hadn’t even had breakfast I was recovering from my hang over.</p><p>I left him alone and went to the kitchen and began making sandwiches he did have a good yet odd collection of food in the fridge and cupboards. I noticed a lot of cans of beans and a box of cereal with Bean-os on it that made me curious. He likes beans fair enough there’s nothing wrong with that but is that cereal really beans. I wonder when Declan be coming back downstairs for his lunch I hope whatever I placed inside this was going to be what he liked. I stared at the knife block near by, reminded me of work. Also reminded me I use to carry a pocket knife around to kill things with.</p><p>I picked up one and stared at it images of me stabbing Clive in the neck, the blood gushed all over Alyssa shocked face before he fallen to the floor bleeding. My hand started to shake a little I felt like I couldn’t stop it though I placed the knife down on the counter and stared at it. “Whats wrong?” Declan voiced cut the silence and I soon snap out of the moment I was having a flash back. “Oh nothing….did you want me to cut it half or anything?” Declan walked over to the table behind and sat down his eyes were on me watching me. I swear his gaze can be unsettling though I’m worried he might not like what I made “Just give me the knife Ill do it” he said I felt my hand shake “Ok” I plated his sandwich and picked up the knife and placed them both in front of them before standing back from the table.</p><p>Declan notice the shakiness curiously though he looked at the sandwich carefully took the knife and cut it half. I felt my breath was hitched I was like was he going to take that knife and hurt me. No I’m still jumping to the conclusions comparing him to his dead father. “You going to sit down and eat?” I just nodded with a smile grabbed my sandwich and sat opposite him I looked at it then I looked at him.</p><p>“Is it good? I didn’t know what you like” I stammered as he clearly seemed to be pleased with it. The knife still rested on the table I was reluctant to pick it up so I decided to just pick my sandwich up and ate it whole. “Anyone could make a sandwich James, I like to see what you can cook up maybe something a little complicated” I swallowed he is expecting me to cook a meal great I had to think of what that is going to be and pray it comes out right.</p><p>“Why was your hand shaking before?”</p><p>“It wasn’t shaking”</p><p>“James tell me whats wrong?”</p><p>I really didn’t want to talk about this now, he bound find out about it anyways.<br/>
“I just had a flash back about that night….I killed your father”</p><p>I stared down at my sandwich I couldn’t look at him at all in the face its like I look up I see Clive sitting there in front of me with his cold eyes staring into my soul. Declan placed his sandwich down and leaned over onto the table towards me.</p><p>“You have trauma that hadn’t gone away, PSTD did you want to talk about it?”</p><p>“I rather we talk about something”</p><p>“James just open up to me you will feel better. I’ll record it on my phone if you don’t mind?”</p><p>He placed the phone on the table in front of me with a recording app open and was waiting to press the record button. This was beginning to feel like a therapy session, I remember when Alyssa told me what it was like now I’m going to have to end up talking about her to Declan. </p><p>“If I’m to discuss this I’m afraid she be mentioned is that not going to bother you?”</p><p>“If she part of the story then yes I’ll start this now” Declan hit the button I swallowed and took in a deep breath and blew it out calmly. </p><p>“Alyssa and I had been walking through the forest. Before that we escaped a man who picked it us up taken us to a cafe cause I crashed my dads car into a tree. He apparently touched me inappropriately I was numb I allowed it to happens cause I didn’t know what else to do Alyssa stepped in got the mans wallet and threaten to call his family about it and from there we fled”</p><p>“Seems a lot of things had happened prior to this? Did you want to tell me?”</p><p>“I much rather get to the point you want me to discuss”</p><p>“Ok just tell me what occurred when my father had came back home”</p><p>“Alyssa broke into the house that day after we were wandering around looking for a place to stay. I wasn’t exactly happy about what she did, we helped ourselves to the drinks, I made a meal we ate by the pool which she threw the dishes into. From there things kind of went pear shaped. After she tried to have sex with a random guy, that left me feel guttered.   She stayed up in that room until she fell asleep, I crept in to see if she was ok. I had my knife on me. Did I tell you I really wanted to kill her…...”</p><p>Declan was engrossed with the story I was telling him specially now I mentioned I wanted to originally kill Alyssa I was waiting for the right time to do it.</p><p>“Will get back to that detail continue with this story” he ate some of his sandwich as I kept talking.</p><p>“That’s was moment I looked at her and realised I wasn’t a psychopath, she given me some feelings I didn’t know how to process cause I never really had experienced love. I decided to lie on the floor beside the bed she had her hand hanging over the edge I gently touched it. It was then I heard a noise, Clive had come home I’m sure he saw the mess and saw the jacket on the chair that belonged to Alyssa. From there he came up stairs and opened the bedroom door I remained still he saw Alyssa and she woke up the two of them talked from there he lashed out at her. Held her down he was trying to get physical with her then I sprang up and stabbed my pocket knife into his neck. From there everything was slow motion. Alyssa was covered in blood and Clive was in shock that he eventually fell to the floor dead”</p><p>I stared at the knife that still laid on the table and then at my barely eaten sandwich. </p><p>“What made you want to kill him?”</p><p>“I snooped around whilst Alyssa was trying to have sex with random guy named Topher I think. I found pollards of women, parts of them they were all named. Then a video camera had footage. That made me realise something was seriously wrong here. I wish we left honestly but it was nightfall we had no way out of there at all”</p><p>Declan sat back in his seat and looked at me then down at the phone to note the timer.</p><p>“Ok so you pretty much dug around my fathers living area and found evidence of his crime.  Even though you and Alyssa had broken into his house….”</p><p>“Again its Alyssa’s doing here I just went along with it I didn’t know what else to do. Ok!” I really didn’t want to continue I had raised my voice in frustration that Declan decided to hit the stop button on his phone and pulled it off the table. I felt anger risen inside me I wanted to express it I decided to stand up and slam the chair into the table before storming away from Declan who watched me disappear from his sight.</p><p>This was bringing up a lot trauma I thought I gotten over now having to tell it to someone it was almost like reliving the horror again. I decided to go outside again the sun was still out and I needed some space, I needed to think about what is going on here. I really wanted to find a phone and call Alyssa. I could try and escape in my own car then he be wanted to come along. Then again why am I doing this? The moment I saw him I felt something the more I had been kissed and touched I wanted more and more.</p><p>I looked around to see if Declan was out here I looked towards the door I didn’t see him so I wonder if I could slink away. I had my car keys on me and my wallet not that I had much in cash at all. I just need to get to a phone and make a call without him knowing it. This was risky so decided to make myself look less inconspicuous so far he doesn’t seemed to be in view I slowly made my way towards the front of the house. I paused at the corner and looked around he wasn’t out the front I could get into my car and try and drive away.</p><p>I took in a breath and started to inch around the wall I remember there was a huge window no bushes in front of it was practically clear view of the drive way from there. I wasn’t aware Declan was there inside he seemed to distances himself from the window though he could easily see me. I didn’t notice at all I thought was in the clear then as soon I dashed by and over to the car the front door flung open and he came out “Hey where the fuck you going James!!” he was wielding the kitchen knife in one hand and descended upon me. I got into the car and slammed the door and locked it. I had to quickly try and lock the others but he managed to yank the passenger door open and got in I tried to shove him out but he was brandishing the knife in a threatening gesture.</p><p>“I want to go for a drive! By myself why you acting like this I thought you weren’t as fucked up as your father!” I yelled though I gripped the steering wheel and felt like crying.</p><p>Declan had backed off though he stayed in the car seat the knife was no longer close to me, its like he had a realisation of what he was doing acting out almost controlling me cause he could. </p><p>“Your right….its just I find you so fascinating, I wanted to meet you I don’t plan on hurting you”</p><p>“You say that...can I at least have some freedom here and allow me to contact Alyssa I need to talk to her”</p><p>“I’ll allow one call, though you tell her your alright. You don’t tell her about me or anything else ok”</p><p>Could I trust his words though he did have his phone on him he handed it to me I decided no point in starting the car at all. I taken it from his hand and started pressing in Alyssa number into it “I want you to put on speaker phone” he added that made me feel uncomfortable I guess he wants to hear what is being said out loud though so I hit to the speaker button and then the ringing started.</p><p>I was feeling anxious now I didn’t know if Alyssa going to be able to answer it or not Declan sat there staring lucky the phone was picked up</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Alyssa Hi its James in case you wondering why unknown call has popped up on your phone”</p><p>“James where are you? Are you alright I want you to come back” she sounded sincere and like she was missing me. Clearly concern for me which is rare compare to the past she couldn’t care less how or if I felt anything.</p><p>“Alyssa I don’t think ill be coming back I’m happy where I am, I think its for the best” I was struggling to talk I felt sadness hit me Declan was looking at me.</p><p>“James I don’t understand who is that guy? Is he doing anything horrible to you?”</p><p>“I’m fine Alyssa I’m sorry I just don’t know when I’ll be seeing you again” I took in a breath and I really wanted to end the call it was painful for me.</p><p>“James I can’t believe you just leaving me I’m sorry I made you wait forever with our relationship I needed to get myself together. Please James I miss you” this was heartbreaking Declan look like he wanted his phone back he was presenting his hand waiting for it to be placed back into it.</p><p>“I have to go Alyssa maybe some day will see each other again bye” I bit my lip and then hanged up. My face was now damp I was crying tears “You did well James” he said he pocketed his phone and watched me cry.</p><p>“I hate you made me do this, why would you do this to me” I thumped the steering wheel and rested my head against it. Declan didn’t seem to show any sign of empathy at all<br/>
“It’s for the best you understand. I want you to come back inside” I raised my head I wanted to slap him but he still had the knife in his possession which he could easily use against me. I was trapped here I didn’t know how to feel towards Declan he had a side where he was nice then a side where he wasn’t. I wondered if he was aware of that or was he doing this to keep me from running back to Alyssa.</p><p>I went back into the house and Declan was there with a tissue in hand he gave it to me “You do realise what your doing is hurting me” I took the tissue and wiped my face he felt deflated I wanted to find somewhere to curl into a ball and cry though he remain stand offish he turned and went away into the living area over to his desk and sat down.</p><p>“Why aren’t you talking to me?” I went over to his desk and stood in front of it demanding his attention. He was busy on his laptop he eventually looked up at me “Declan you acting extremely selfish here, I understand if you feel jealous but keeping me apart from her isn’t good” he just sat there and leaned back in his chair looking at me.</p><p>“You do not understand whats going on here, I fancy you and I’m interested in giving you everything that she didn’t give you at all” Declan replied</p><p>“She wasn’t in a good place, we are both messed up in the head. Alyssa was my world I didn’t have much at all” I decided to sit down and wipe my eyes.</p><p>This was going to be a constant battle I now kind of regret going after him in the first place.  Declan sat there staring at me and my sad state he sighed “Shall continue the session we started at lunch?” I honestly wanted to punch him the face.</p><p>“I don’t want to talk about that” I got up from the chair and headed out of the room he watched me leave I could feel his eyes on me. I should have tried to make a break for it, find another way to contact Alyssa but I told her I couldn’t see her anymore. She must feel devastated I wonder how she is.<br/>
------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>ALYSSA POV</p><p>I was on a break at work when James called me I wasn’t sure who it was but to hear James voice I was happy. Then after what he said it was so vaguely and I could tell he wasn’t something was wrong here. It bothered me I had no idea where to even start looking for him. Oddly enough Frodo tried his hand at waiting the tables taking orders though I had to help him. It was tedious but then the sudden appearance of his mother threw everything into chaos.</p><p>“You! I remember you stole from my petrol station. Frodo what you doing here with that girl”</p><p>she was pissed when she saw me, my mother and Leigh were behind the counter notice the sudden up burst.</p><p>“Mother! How the heck you find me here?” Frodo looking shocked as I just glowered at the old hag.</p><p>“Your not taking my son! Bitch Frodo I had it with you gallivanting around come back home  now”</p><p>“I don’t want him so take him” I stated flatly as Frodo just looked mad he looked at the cafe everyone seemed to be looking at us. </p><p>“Frodo!”</p><p>“Fine I’ll come home” he gave me the writing pad and pen. I rolled my eyes and watched them leave thank goodness that was over. Then again someone else I knew decided to come out of the wood work. Todd and his sister oh man just great and I bet mother eyes lit up to see the guy I could had a future with appear.</p><p>Todd noticed me and he missed the fight between Frodo and his mother which now left he given me a look before he and his sister decided to find a place to sit. </p><p>I went over to the counter and looked at my mother desperately not wanted to converse with my ex husband I married on impulse.</p><p>“What is he doing here…. I’m going out” I headed out of the back door into the forest area my mother just let me go she looked over at Todd who seemed to be talking to his sister.</p><p>Great fucking great what the hell meant to do now, I had to try and remember what I learned in therapy. I walked around for a while and stopped to find a patch of grass to lie down on and stare up at the sky. </p><p>I just want James back so badly to think he left me for some stranger he met yesterday it was so sudden and impulsive move for him to do. Then again he waited patiently for me to  get through my problems only for me to realise its too late for me get back that time I lost where I could have him in my arms kissing him and being close. </p><p>After everything we went through I realised I really taken advantage of him, he clearly had no idea and went along with everything I did regardless it being a long line of bad decisions he didn’t seemed care as long as I don’t but heads with him.</p><p>I pulled out my phone and wonder if the number would be recorded even though came up with unknown number lucky it had given a number. I know James doesn’t own a phone so clearly the guy he was with must let him use his phone to make the call. It was tempting to call back then what if they block my number? What if they answered and realised it was me and hang up? This guy was clearly had a hold over James and his freedom.</p><p>It was eating me up inside made me wonder should I make a break for it, go through past places we tread Then again what are the odds of finding James at any of them at all? I guess my turn to play the hero here. First I need a plan what be best way of getting around  I need someone to drive me. Cant exactly ask mother she wouldn’t be in for it I don’t think Leigh would then that be like dead end.</p><p>I realise I don’t have much in friends since James was like my world now he was gone. I guess ill have to try and think like James, I remembered him hot wire a car with ease maybe I could try that I need a car to nick. Fuck it I’m going to commit a crime again I had no idea where James was.</p><p>“Alyssa?” I looked up and saw the last person I expected to see Todd and his sister I got up off the ground and looked at him.<br/>
“Todd….hi why you out here?”</p><p>“Your mother wanted help trying to find you and so reluctantly volunteered. Its been a while since the two of you separated and we over the anger.  I guess we kind of forgot you worked at the Cafe? Wheres that guy James was it?” Todd’s sister said as Todd looked at me and I didn’t want to look at him.</p><p>“That’s the thing James seemed to disappeared, yesterday this stranger came into the cafe and he went after them and he hadn’t come back. I’m worried I need help trying to find him” oh shit I’m asking my ex to help me find James. I’m desperate and Todd and his sister looked at me noticing how I was vulnerable. I hated this so much.</p><p>“So James disappeared and you hadn’t seen him?”</p><p>“Well I saw him for a moment with the guy I don’t know who he is but he was acting weird….he didn’t talk to me at all” I wish I remembered the car license plate or something to even track.</p><p>“Ok has James contacted you at all?” Todd asked</p><p>“I got a call from unknown number and James doesn’t own a phone so clearly he was using this guys phone to call. Though he told he can’t see me anymore but he sounded kind of sad I can’t help feel like something is wrong”</p><p>“Ok so he called you and told you he can’t see you anymore, maybe he has found someone else to be with?” Todd’s sister said though I didn’t want to think that at all.</p><p>“I don’t believe that’s the case I can’t help but feel something is really wrong here!!” I started to walk away back towards the cafe the two of them followed me.</p><p>“Alyssa I don’t know what your relationship status is like right now, lets go back to the cafe ok maybe will consider putting in for a missing person thing” Todd was trying to be helpful even then I much rather go find him myself.</p><p>“What will the police do?” I asked then I wondered I did see this unknown guy physically maybe could describe him and see if they get him on a database or something.</p><p>“It’s either that or just let him go I’m sure he will come back” Todd added I some how had to try and consider the sensible option here.</p><p>We got back to the cafe my mother was standing there hands on her hips looking at me “Sorry about that, you had to send a search party to find me” I said sarcastically to her as she just shook her head disapproval like. </p><p>“Bad enough that I saw that woman who you clearly attacked at the petrol station pull her son away. I felt sorry for that woman I know it was a while ago but I was disgusted watching that security video of that” mother blurted out and Todd and his sister were present now looking at each other.</p><p>“Mother stop talking about that ok! I need to find James ok I know your not going to like this but I’m worried about it him” my mother just sighed as she looked at Todd and sister like she wasn’t wanting to listen to this at all.<br/>
“Will be going now….” Todd said awkwardly and his sister just followed him away leaving me with my mother. </p><p>“Your never going to let that boy go are you? Hmmm remember everything that happened. The therapy is suppose to get you back to a healthy mental state and your just hanging onto that boy like a life raft”</p><p>“I love him mother! I fucking love James and he has no one else in this fucking world to love him. I feel stupid for keeping distance from him I shouldn’t done that. He wouldn’t felt the need to leave me” I was on the verge of crying just to add the ugliness of emotions I was displaying now.</p><p>“I think we need to calm down take a deep breath” I rolled my eyes and just stormed off away from her maybe I could get Todd and his sister before they leave. I ran out to the front of the cafe and spotted them getting a car I ran all the over and stopped.</p><p>“Alyssa?”</p><p>“Take me with you now! Please” I begged Todd looked at me “I don’t think good idea Alyssa I know your desperate maybe consider calling the cops good luck” he said I just stood there I deserved that I suppose after how I treated him in the past. I watched him drive away. </p><p>Great I back to square one I decided to go back to the cafe for now I might as well wait I guess.<br/>
------------------------------------------------------------------ </p><p>JAMES POV</p><p>It had been hours since I had talked to Declan I stayed upstairs in the bedroom trying to figure out an escape plan, oddly enough he hadn’t come up to see how I was. My stomach was grumbling I realised I never ate much of that sandwich I made at lunch time. I was curled up on top of the bed staring out the window.</p><p>The door suddenly opened and I knew it could only be him, I then caught the scent of something food like I rolled over and he had a tray with a bowl on it and glass of water “You hadn’t eaten dinner I hope you don’t mind baked beans” he said softly he then placed the tray down on the bedside table and looked at me. </p><p>“Thank you…..” I moved over to the edge of the bed and taken the spoon and started to eat he sat down next to me. </p><p>“I’m sorry about before….I hate seeing you look upset”</p><p>I just ate the beans it felt comforting and again Declan had changed his tune again, I wish there was a way he could just let me go. I guess he doesn’t want to cause he clearly attached to me I feel somewhat attached to him.</p><p>“Declan….are you doing this cause your very lonely? I know what that was like until I found someone I connected with”</p><p>Declan placed a kiss on my forehead and wrapped arm around me pulling me against him into a hug.</p><p>“I guess so….”</p><p>Declan sounded very sympathetic now he was comforting me at least he admits he was lonely. I really wanted to know about what his mother was like, then again made me wonder if he was going to continue to ask about everything that has happened to me.</p><p>After I finished the meal, I went in the shower first I wondered if Declan drift in there and press himself against me sending me into feeling aroused. I stood under the water and watch the steam so far no disturbance. I guess he giving me some space I should be relieved there but I heard the door open and close and padding of feet outside the shower stall.</p><p>“Declan is that you?” I tried to wipe the steamed fog off the door to see then the door opened and I backed up against the wall. Declan stood there naked my eyes went down to his partial aroused manhood “You done?” he asked though I didn’t know how to react he climbed in and closed the door behind him and was pressed up against me “I’ll get out if you want it for yourself” I whimpered though he was already kissing me and that making me feel weak.</p><p>“No you don’t need to go” Declan purred all I could do is moan my hips were jerking forward as my limpness was making contacting with him I gave up there and then no point putting up a fight he being very sexual with me again. I responded to his affection and made me wonder if he was going to go further as to fuck me. I hadn’t had sex cause of the injury. I couldn’t give what Alyssa wanted at all and it hurt me now I feel like I couldn’t give Declan anything either. </p><p>“You know you make me feel things I sadly cant express down there”</p><p>“Its a shame you got hurt in the first place, I still want to know the whole story and analyse it figure out what is wrong. Consider it a chance to let go of the past” he said as he wrapped his hands around my hips. I guess my story is worth telling I still wonder if there is something a miss here for now I was enjoying the closeness. Once the shower was over and we got into our pjs and settled in for the night. </p><p>We cuddled up together first time I was sleeping with someone other than Alyssa. We didn’t really share bed besides the hotel one. Then again nothing happened between us and sadden me to know that wont happen at all. For now things are fine, maybe its best not to put up a struggle unless it requires me to do so to protect myself from him.</p><p>I bet Alyssa somewhere clearly feeling broken hearten, she can experience how I felt for a change. I will some how see you again Alyssa it may require trying to get Declan to go somewhere and hope you be there. If not I guess come find me I know your capable then again how you go about it I don’t know.</p><p> </p><p>End of episode 2</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Stolen Car</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>JAMES POV</p><p>I woke up to see the sun peaking through the window and rolled over to see Declan sitting up in bed on his phone he seemed to have a look on his face that expressing some sort of unhappiness.</p><p>“Morning did you want me to make breakfast?” I shifted in my side of the bed he looked over at me.</p><p>“We need to make ourselves scarceness, that or I try and deal with my unexpected visitor” that got me sitting up in bed a little alerted.</p><p>“What you mean?” I asked as he got out of bed and started to get dressed. This revelation has got me feeling one edge again though the chance to get out of here could possibility to try and see Alyssa again.</p><p>“My grandmother wants to come by today…...I don’t want to see them”</p><p>“Don’t you like them?” I started getting dressed as he sent a text message on his phone though it pinged again followed by the ringtone of his phone.</p><p>Declan was getting peeved as he looked at me I tried to get into my clothes I was feeling anxious. I did remember vaguely his grandmother I don’t think I ended up meeting her at the trail after I was found not guilty of murder it was self defence. Apparently I was extremely lucky to allowed to let go considering the other circumstances.</p><p>“Shall we go shopping and get food for the week?” I had to ask though I bet he wanted to come along as well to keep an eye on me. He didn’t listen to me as he was on the phone. I’ll admit he is starting to grow on me, I was finding him very desirable though still a little on the disturbed side maybe not so much that. He was clearly lonely and he fallen for me, to feel that was wonderful cause Alyssa distancing had taken its toll on me.</p><p>Declan had already answered the call and taken it away from me leaving me alone in the bedroom I couldn’t help listen to the conversation.</p><p>“I don’t require you to visit me, I’m fine ok. Why cause I need my space and I’m struggling to write”</p><p>Clearly he seems to be stressed though watched him pace about the landing area.  I really should just remain out of the way though he then seemed to started to get a lot more intense.</p><p>“I hadn’t made a mistake in moving out. I’m capable of taking care of myself don’t come over here ok!”</p><p>This was escalating its like that part of saw glimpses of is coming out is his mother a trigger to some unknown issue. I’m not one to know about the functions of the mind though  Declan reacting to his phone call was very erratic maybe family tension is there that isn’t my business to know about.<br/>
“You don’t fucking listen to what I said don’t come here!!” Declan then ended the call and he then headed off towards the bathroom and closed the door. That moment made think about family, how I don’t have anyone left at all to go to. Alyssa became the one person I could’ve count on but now that has shifted onto Declan.  I really shouldn’t be giving him such a burden to shoulder but he taken me in. I decided to move out of the bedroom and crept over to the bathroom and find out if he was alright.</p><p>“Declan?” I twisted the door knob and opened the door partially he seemed to be standing next to the basin, I spotted a container which he quickly stuck back into the cabinet and looked at me.</p><p>“What” he said flatly though he then head over towards me I backed out of the way as he came back out of the bathroom. Something wasn’t right here? I didn’t know want to pry into something that he is clearly keeping hidden away. “Did you want to go to the supermarket?” he then just nodded “I told them not to come by, I don’t know if they ever listen to what I say. Let’s head out for day. You can continue telling me about everything” he checked his pocket for car keys and wallet though he seemed to be calm where as before the phone call he wasn’t.</p><p>“Ok” I replied from there we headed out in a flurry I wondered if today might be a chance I could run into Alyssa that’s what if the odds she being in the same place at the same time. I didn’t know what Declan had in mind I didn’t want to argue with him at all. We got into his car and headed out I sat there staring out the window as he drove along the road.</p><p>“I ought to make up for last nights dinner that or lack of breakfast” I said he just seemed focused on the road though his eyes seemed to be squinting a little.</p><p>“Don’t worry about it James, will go buy some food and maybe will have a lovely meal together. You ever had the need to kill something or someone?” that question came out oddly though it made me think for a bit. This clearly touching on what I said about I wanted to kill Alyssa before I realised I didn’t have an ounce of psycho in me, maybe cause lack of having parents who cared for me.</p><p>“Not recently no, I know your harking back to what I said I might as well tell you. Are you alright? What did you take back at the house” Declan seemed to be wavering in his seat though he shook his head like trying to get himself to stay focused. The car was drifting a little so far I brought my hands to the steering wheel though he shoved me back “Fuck off James I’m driving here” he yelled at me though he then hit the accelerator and I flung back in my seat.</p><p>“Declan too fast… slow down” I cried I was fearing we were going to hit a car or worse drive off the road and crash. I didn’t know what to do at all besides hope nothing bad was going to happen though Declan started to slow the car down again and he seemed to be laughing he looked over at me I was terrified then he smirked “Enjoyed that James? We could have died together. That be lovely wouldn’t it” I just sat there in silence I didn’t want to answer that at all.</p><p>“Declan did you want to maybe pull over and get some air or something you seemed manic” he seemed to struggling again though some of what I said must have processed he pulled over and stopped the car. I had to be a voice of reason here he isn’t acting normal then again what was he like. </p><p>“Sorry how about we go for a walk, I think I packed something in the glove box for you open it” he said I did was I was told and there was a knife much similar to the one I use to have. My father gave me a knife, one in which I used to kill animals with and oddly enough Clive Koch. I disposed of it in the pool filter only the police found the murder weapon and used it for evidence in my trial. I never got that knife back, much as I was robbed of everything else in my life.</p><p>My hands picked up the knife and held it before looking at it then turning to look at Declan “Come on lets go for that walk” he said and got out of the car slamming the door. My heart was reeling right now I decided best to follow along and hope Declan doesn’t get physical with me. “We shouldn’t walk too far, your car is it going to be ok here?” Declan seemed to locked with his keys before he threw an arm around me and we started to walk along into the woods. </p><p>“If you were to killed Alyssa would you done it out here? She must clearly been a very easy victim for you to pray upon. How come you failed to follow through?” </p><p>“I did have a plan in mind, that was before she decided to start getting attached. I thought best was to play along and then when she was least suspect me to make a move it would have been too late. Then that was going to happen at the house, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. When I was a child I used to go and kill things I don’t know why I feel like I wanted to inflict pain on something to make me feel something” I felt like I was a kid again in the woods hunting around for innocent creature to kill and taxidermist. Declan seemed to be listening though somewhat in a daze we walked along together.</p><p>“I don’t regret not acting on what I had originally planned, it changed me and my perspective on things. My father died from heart attack the sad thing is we were finally connecting I never liked him before. My mother she died in front of me, I wanted to go feed the ducks at the lake and she reluctantly taken me there only to drive into the lake and drowned” I was feeling sadness creep into my voice though I soon spotted animal lurking by the knife I had in my hand started to quiver I tried to steady my hand.</p><p>“Come on James kill it, its just there waiting for you” Declan was coaxing me as I tried to get myself the courage to shed blood. Declan watched me carefully as I approached the innocent animal this was hard for me though with Declan standing there he is expecting me to follow through and I tried to but the animal soon sense me and tried to make a run for it then I pounced caught it and then drove the knife into. This was somewhat satisfying for me again as I picked up the bleeding animal in my hands though I wanted to cry. </p><p>“Awww James you killed a bunny”</p><p>“You made me do it” I shook I didn’t want to see like I was having a break down in front of him I wanted him to feel my stern words that were laced with anger. </p><p>“I didn’t make you do anything James, you did it yourself that means deep down you really are a psychopath” Declan quirked as I clutched the animal in my hands I wanted to now take that knife and drive into Declan’s heart I couldn’t. Killing animal is different to killing a human specially when its something your attached to emotionally and physically I decided to kneel down and placed the dead bunny on the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not a psychopath! Declan!!” I cried as I decided to dig a hole to bury the animal in I couldn’t stand looking at what I done. Declan remained silent as he observed he had his phone on him I didn’t know notice he had it out whether he was recording everything for his stupid book I didn’t care anymore. That part of me I thought I let go of had come back to me again and now my need to kill things has returned with passion. </p><p>“Lets go back to the car and go to the supermarket….” he staggered a little and I decided to follow him I needed to clean the blood off my hands and the knife I still carried I had nothing to do that with though Declan had dug out a tissue and handed it to me “Use this for now” he continued to walk a bit from me then he tripped and I rushed over and caught him before he hit the ground. </p><p>“Declan you alright?” I held him as he looked at me he looked so dead in the eyes but he suddenly stirred and shoved me away me. “Lets go” we continued walking back to the car which was still parked on the side of the road. “You going to be ok to drive?” this was my concern now Declan just nodded “I’ll be fine if I do anything erratic just slap some sense into me” we got back into the car and drove off again.<br/>
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ALYSSA POV</p><p>After a night of dreaming about James I woke up to find out he is never there, I was still determined to go and find him. I don’t care if he rejects me after the fact I clearly didn’t realise how much he meant to me trying to forget James was like going back to that point where I was with Todd. I’ll admit seeing Todd again had stirred up something I know my mother wants me to find a man who take care of me and not hurt me at all.</p><p>Once I was changed my mother had appeared she once again put the twins in matching outfits, she seemed like she wanted to go out “Alyssa did you want to come to the supermarket? “I decided to just go along with it was a chance to do something else might be a chance to make a break for it. “Sure mother” I replied and decided to help here with the twins we all piled in the car and went to the supermarket.</p><p>I sat in the front seat with mother driving as we soon pulled up into the supermarket parking area then my eyes spotted a familiar car. The fancy sport car that guy James took off with was here. “Help me with the twins Alyssa” mother said she got them out of the backseat I wanted to make a break for it I wandered over to the car and looked at it. I had my phone I decided to take a photo of it for sake of memory. James could be here inside the supermarket I bolted into the store.</p><p>This was it, James has to be here and he can’t exactly make a break for it. Though that guy will be here with him though. I started to go down the isle lines then I think I spotted him. James was there and that guy was there they seemed to be unaware of my presence.  I wanted to rush over but I watched from a distance. “Alyssa!” my mother appeared with a trolley with the twins sitting in the seat playing with each other “Yes….” she just sighed and then she looked down the isle and saw what had caught my eyes “James….is here with that guy. Come on lets go” she said I just didn’t want to go anywhere, the shout of my name seemed to aroused James from whatever he was doing to notice me.</p><p>“Alyssa…..” the words fell out of his mouth he looked surprised though the guy he was with  wasn’t happy to see me. In fact he had left Jame’s side though and started heading towards me though James moved and stopped him “James let me go” the guy said though James didn’t move “This is pure coincidence don’t do anything to her, just let me talk to her and we will leave that’s all” he said as the guy shot me a cold look he seemed to settled and backed off “Ok...” he said James then proceeded forwards to me I saw Alyssa mother and her siblings bickering in the trolley.</p><p>“Hey….” James said though I wanted to hug him though I’m concern that the guy might be triggered by that. </p><p>“Hey…. How you been? Is this guy treating you well? Seeing you in the supermarket shopping very normal” I said I wish I could had said more I watched him show not much expression in his face.</p><p>“I’m fine I’m sorry about the phone call its just….he is pretty jealous of us. He does care about me” he seemed to whispered lowly if he didn’t want the guy to hear.</p><p>“Ok I miss you. I finished my therapy though I feel pretty empty without you….” I mumbled James just nodded he really wanted to hug me but he stayed away from me. The guy was watching from afar by the trolley they were filling with grocery items.</p><p>“Yeah I think I better go back to him” James said I cant believe this was it I didn’t want him to go I wanted to ask him was something wrong. James was clearly fearful of this guy though he didn’t seemed to be himself at all. “James come on” the guy came over to him with the trolley and James decided to go he didn’t defy the guy at all he seemed to give the guy a subtle smile that seemed a little sad. I wish he could open to me clearly if he talked out his problems maybe he might feel better.</p><p>“Will I see you again? I miss you?” I said though James just had already walking away with this guy I still don’t know who he was. I did take a photo of his car maybe I could secretly somehow find details about him If James isn’t going to talk at all.<br/>
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JAMES POV</p><p>I cant believe I saw Alyssa again and oddly enough I wish I could just talked more, I felt Declan was there giving a look of jealously though he managed to drive to the supermarket alright after he collapsed in the forest. I had left the knife he given me in the car glove box and made sure the blood I had was gone from my hands before entering the supermarket.</p><p>“You happy you saw her…..”</p><p>“I guess so….she misses me” I said as I put the items onto the counter and watch the checkout operator scan the items. Alyssa didn’t seemed to appear next to me whilst we did this I wondered about that she has a chance to see me and say whatever she needed but she didn’t.</p><p>“I’m sure she’ll get past that” Declan said as he paid the checkout person, I grabbed the bags and we headed out. Still Alyssa hadn’t come running out the door after me as we got back to the car and got in it. Was this for the best again I couldn’t help wonder if I was going to go backwards in my life. Though I wasn’t alone this time like I was before Declan was taking that place and he was doing more than Alyssa did for me I couldn’t help wonder if something still was going to happen and then things be going to pot again.</p><p>“What now? Did you want to go get some lunch” I asked as he backed the car out of the parking lot and drove away.</p><p>“Your not mad at me for talking to her?” I waited though he was still unresponsive again at least he wasn’t wavering in his seat, made me wonder what he taken this morning.</p><p>“No I’m not mad at you just disappointed, again it was coincidence that she happened to appear when we were there” Declan remained focus on the road and I sat there thinking about stuff. I did wonder what Declan was planning to do with all the verbal content he had recorded the conversations on his phone, he mention his writing and how he wanted to use me as his inspiration.</p><p>“I hope be able to make a nice dinner for us to enjoy, ok?” Declan smiled for a moment I felt like smiling cause I was connecting with him again. I just hope nothing bad happens now to set him off, he maintained himself when Alyssa was there though at least he backed away and allowed me to converse with her even though the conversation was brief. </p><p>Wasn’t long until we pulled up into the drive way and noticed something wasn’t right. My father’s car had vanished I looked at the empty spot and shot a look at him “My car…..where is it” I got out and looked around as Declan was just as puzzled as I was.  He noticed the tyre markings and went down to the street and looked around before come back to me.</p><p>“Declan I need to contact the police my car is stolen…..” I pleaded with him as he headed towards the house in a hurry. </p><p>“Declan...” I ran after him he didn’t seem to register my distress right now as he opened the front door and entered the house. “Declan please can I borrow your phone and call the police” I tried to stop him and he spun around and looked at me.</p><p>“That car was important to me, please can I borrow your phone” Declan pulled out his phone “Alright I’ll call the cops ok you just get the shopping out of the car inside” Declan seemed very protective of his phone I stood there and watched him dial. “Hi police like to report a stolen car, rego number?” Declan looked to me as I wrote it down on some paper the car details he taken it and then gestured for me to go.</p><p>I headed back to the car and grabbed the shopping bags I looked around wearier, to think someone came and stole from Declan was making me remember when Alyssa broke into this house. We didn’t technically steal from Clive more less we need a place for the night and it was there. I entered the house with the shopping and Declan emerged from the lounge he looked at me carrying the bags by myself.</p><p>“They taken my report and will keep eye out for your car that’s if they hadn’t fled the area. Stupid cops…” Declan said and he pretty much headed away from me leaving me with the shopping load “Declan…. Thank you” I said though he pretty much had disappeared from sight. I sighed and headed into the kitchen and started unpacking the shopping.</p><p>I heard some noises from upstairs and then the thumping of feet down the stair case I remained focused on sorting out the shopping Declan came into the room and went over to stand right behind me closely I ceased up as he placed a kiss on my head pulled me really tight against him I could feel his hot breath against my ear.<br/>
“You ok?” I waited he soon relaxed his grip he had on me before going over to the table and sitting down in the chair looking down. “I’m fine….” he muttered as he looked down at his phone at something I didn’t know what he was looking at though. I hope the police will find my car I need it, it was my father’s car only family memento I have left and now that’s been taken away from me.</p><p>“If the police call me back will know…..but you how thieves are these days they most likely needed a get away car or a car to just trash” words I didn’t want to believe in the fact that Declan’s car wasn’t there seemed coincidence that mine was targeted.</p><p>“Right…. What was I making for dinner again?” I felt like I had a brain fart though Declan was quick to reply “Lasagne we did buy the ingredients remember?” given me a dumbfounded look then I realised it slipped my mind for a moment “Oh yes of course my mistake” I then got up from the table and went to work I had to do a lot before dinner time rolled around and it be roughly first the making this.</p><p>Declan sat there at the table and watched me cook he would often get his phone and check before pocketed it away again. “Why don’t you go like watch some tv or something it may take a while…” hoping the suggestion might make him stop mopping there though I think he shifted from the table and stalked over to my side “You don’t have to….its just I rather focus on this and you sitting there staring at me is kind of….”  Declan raised a brow  “What James? Unsettling? Distracting?” he seemed to taken offence to what I said and I was hoping he wouldn’t come over and get physical with me.  It was then the door bell rang and distracted Declan’s attention.</p><p>“I’ll go see who it is you stay put” Declan stalked away I continued prepping the ingredients though I wondered who it was. I paused and crept over to the kitchen door way and peered around it to see the visitor. Declan didn’t seemed happy to see his grandmother had shown up after telling her not to come over. “I came to check up on you, your mother is worried about you” she said though Declan was giving her a look she noticed the mess and looked at her grandson.</p><p>“I told you not to come here, I’m fine…..” Declan stated firmly though his grandmother wasn’t buying it. “Your not fine Declan, I hope you been taking your medication you know what happens when you don’t” I watched from the door way keeping quiet I didn’t want her to come in here and see me. Declan had then grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into the living room she struggled “Let me go!” she cried I heard I inched out of the kitchen towards the doorway to the living room to listen and hope Declan wasn’t going to do anything to the woman.</p><p>“SHUT UP!” Declan yelled at the woman as she did so though she didn’t approve of his tone clearly. “Declan don’t raise your voice at me, you should come and see your mother whose in hospital” I heard that something is wrong with his mother, though Declan didn’t wish to be dealing with this right now. “I know….ok I want you to leave now!” the woman soon rose from the couch that was a short visit but clearly Declan isn’t in the right frame of mind to even talk to his grandmother, I quickly hid away back in the kitchen as she left the lounge and turned to her grandson.</p><p>“Honestly your a lousy ungrateful grandson! Spoiled I’m surprised you have resorted to killing people like your father…….” those words stuck Declan hard as he was tempted to shove the old woman out the door. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!” he yelled and slammed the door on them. The old woman was fuming though she turned and headed away Declan watched her leave and then decided to sit down to watch TV. I did hear what sounded like a show playing. I managed to cook the dinner and so far there been nothing from the police about the stolen car.</p><p>After an hour so making this meal it was cooked and the smell filled the kitchen its soon caught Declan’s nose brought him back into the kitchen to see the lasagne plated up on the table with a knife and fork placed either side and a glass waiting to be filled with drink. Declan looked at it and sat down and began to eat it I watched him clearly he was enjoying it with care I soon sat down and started to eat my slice I did well. The meal was consumed in silence mostly which I didn’t mind I felt like I exhausted myself for small talk I didn’t want to trigger him by asking about his mother.</p><p>“I’m glad you enjoyed it I’ll clean up I guess” I reached over to his plate and started to pick it up though he grabbed my hand I stopped “Don’t ever leave me….please….stay” Declan looked like he was going to burst into tears though I just nodded he soon released me and went back to clearing the table. Today was difficult roller coaster and my instinct was telling me that something was going to happen and it has but now cant help be feel like there's more to Declan than I’m aware of. </p><p>After the dishes were done which took a while I eventually went upstairs and decided to have a shower I went by the bedroom and noticed Declan was already in bed staring blankly ahead I left him there maybe he was thinking or meditating but I wandered into the bathroom and closed the door. Then I was curious to look into the medicine cabinet, I heard vaguely medicine come in the conversation then made me wonder if Declan was taking something. Not my business to pry but I carefully opened the cupboard to notice a lot of bottles.  I stared at them and once caught my eye I was about to take it out when I heard the door open I quickly closed the cabinet and saw Declan standing there looking at me.</p><p>“What you doing? I thought your having a shower” he stalked into the space and looked me dead in the eye I really wished he didn’t catch me I closed my eyes and waited I feared he was going to strike me though he grabbed me by the shoulders “Answer me! James what you doing in my cabinet!!” he raised his voice and I shoved him away which caught him off guard he almost stumbled out the door I then grabbed the door and tried to close it but he got back in and pulled me out of the bathroom onto the landing.</p><p>This was bad I was stuck trying to defend myself at the same time I didn’t want to get into a fight with him at all he was stronger than I was. “Declan stop it please!!!” I cried as he slammed into the wall thank god not the banister or else I would had feared being flung down to the ground floor. Declan soon halted his assault and backed off he looked at what he did to me “I’m sorry….” he eventually went back to the bedroom and left me there closing the door behind him.</p><p>Something is wrong with him, I don’t know what he goes from happy to sad to violent and its starting to scare me. I’m guessing the medication suppose to control his behaviour I hope he takes them regularly. I hate to become aware that he isn’t I headed back into the bathroom and taken a shower. I wondered how Alyssa was going, I wished I considered an escape plan sooner now my car is stolen there was no way of getting out of here without Declan being present.</p><p>My eyes went to the side table where the Declan’s sex things laid still untouched it was weird I didn’t know if I should ask to swap sides or have them placed out of sight. I laid in bed and looked at him and he saw me noting the items like they there for some purpose to be used. “Declan do you find me desirable?” that was odd thing to say even for myself but clearly after his outburst at me looking in the cabinet he moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around me.</p><p>“I do your very beautiful James its saddens me so much I don’t understand how you hadn’t killed yourself. Maybe we could die together….” his words were again so morbid yet it moved me emotionally “I never thought about ending it Declan, what you say it scares me” he shifted and moved back to his spot on the other side of the bed and looked at me intensely “After everything you been put through losing your parents, your home, almost your life you’re still standing” Declan shifted himself under the covers and laid down I stayed where I was “I’ll admit when I was shot, I thought that would be the end for me. I was disappointed I didn’t die” that got Declan’s attention he sat up again and shifted over to me.</p><p>“That bullet has taken away part of me, part I wish I had a chance to use….” I looked at him my eyes expressing sadness which he soon saw he cuddled me and held me close again he looked over at the side table “James….you want me to fuck you now….” it did seem rather foolish of me to consider it. In the past I used to masturbate once a week for medical purposes and after losing that ability to orgasm. I tried things without Alyssa knowledge of course but I think about a guy not her at all.</p><p>“It’s fine Declan….you don’t have to” Declan had paused and decided it wasn’t the right time after the fight in the hall way. I didn’t want that anger whatever was being inflicted on me again through sex. “James I will fuck you...but not tonight” Declan decided to get under the covers and rolled over away from me I looked over his shoulder and saw he already closed his eyes and settled in for a sleep.</p><p>After that we eventually went to sleep. I dreamed though it wasn’t a pleasant dream it was very real Alyssa was there and someone else I couldn’t make out but she was in danger screaming my name I couldn’t make out what was going on. I tried to go after her but I couldn’t so I saw Alyssa helpless “Alyssa!!!” I cried out loud though soon enough I woke up again.<br/>
--------------------------------------------------------</p><p>ALYSSA POV</p><p>Another day came by and another night of having to try and get James out of my head I woke up got out of bed and went downstairs for breakfast. My mother was already tending to the twins both of them seemed to be content as they at their food she turned to see me there “What you like for breakfast?” she asked as I just wandered into the kitchen and decided to grab myself breakfast. </p><p>“I been looking into if we could get that therapy thing to continue unless your feeling better” I didn’t want to respond I was kind of over the therapist thing though I feel like I don’t have anything else at all. After seeing James for that moment I still felt the need to go find him and bring him back. </p><p>I ate my bowl as my mother watched me “I wish you consider getting out there finding a man, maybe try social media site or something” I rolled my eyes though eventually got up from the table “I’m not interested mother I don’t think I need to go back to the therapist” I then left the table and went back upstairs, only thing mother seemed be focus on me finding someone else I get it. I didn’t want to forget about James I looked at my phone at the photo I taken of the car.</p><p>I wondered how I could use this to maybe find out the guys name and address just for information sake. I really wanted to text James but my mind went back to time I was with Todd after seeing him again I don’t know what to make of it. I don’t know if it would be fair for me to consider mending the bridge I built between us even if its going to help fill the void that is where James existed in my heart.</p><p>Fuck it I’m going to get out of here myself, maybe ill go find Todd then again I had a shift today at the cafe it be a chance there if he comes back. Soon enough mother had dropped me off at work and left me I headed in towards the cafe and paused for a moment and looked around the parking area. I felt like someone was watching me I looked around and one car I did recognise it looked like Jame’s car just parked on the hill sitting there.</p><p>I decided to just ignore it then I wondered if James had made a break for it from that guy he was with and is inside. I headed inside in hope to spot James though my heart sank and not saw him at all. Leigh was there she looked like she needed help I went over and looked at the car and then back to the patrons inside the cafe. “I could use your help Alyssa tend to that table please” Leigh ordered as I went straight to work lucky they weren't anyone I knew so wasn’t going to unconformable interaction. “Alright” I went to work taking orders and much surprise Todd was there.</p><p>“You came back?” I quirked as Todd was by himself this time looking at the menu.</p><p>“I know its odd, I sadly like the food here. Did find out about James?” he asked though my eyes went to the idle car outside and back to him. “I ran into him at the supermarket today, he looked fine I suppose” I muttered as I was clearly feeling unhappy about how that went. It felt like I didn’t say what I wanted at all and he didn’t either typical conversationalists we are. Not. “So you were worrying over nothing Alyssa” Todd said as he handed me the menu “Ill have a burger and fries thanks” I wrote the order down. That was what he ordered last time its like his only favourite meal he gets.</p><p>“So have you found someone else if you don’t mind me asking” though Todd just given me a look like I was being a prick. “No the dating scene is non existent I’ll admit the highlight of my relationship experience is when we were together…. Too good to be true you should hadn’t led me on” I decided to swallow those words “I’ll go get your order……..” I spun around and walked away feeling shattered I had to maintain my composure and try and suppress the need to swear my head off at him. No fucking point and trying to reconsider amends there I feel like utter shit right now. I deserved it, its not fair I lost the guy I was in love with to some stranger, and seeing my ex and having him criticise me for being a bad person just added to pile of emotions I’m struggling with right now. I wish I could have go to see the therapist and just off load everything out of my head.</p><p>I given the order to the cook and then tended to other customers I honest wasn’t in a hurry to go back to Todd who was looking at his phone. I decided to reached into my pocket and check for messages no response. I then wondered if I should try and make a direct call if not tell him his car is here at the cafe and that if he had been waiting in it for me to finish work which isn’t far fetched from what he did. “Order ready” I heard the cook ding the bell I took the food and went and served it to Todd I looked at the car in the parking lot then decided to let Todd eat his meal.</p><p>“How you been Alyssa your mother told me that making some progress in your therapy sessions?” Leigh decided to strike up a conversation with me I decided I might as well converse with her. “Mother told me she can’t afford them anymore, I’m feeling I don’t know. James leaving me and well….”I wanted to have a break down trying to remain strong and that was what I wanted to be. I couldn’t help but feel vulnerable and upset so I decided to head out of there Leigh followed me out of the cafe into the area behind it.</p><p>“Alyssa you look upset did you want to talk?”Leigh said she was a kind heart soul and I was about to burst with frustration.</p><p>“AM I SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON!!!”I yelled at her as she stood there it made me think about my mother track recorded with men. Especially that last guy I had to put up with thank goodness he left she was pissed off then we moved away to live with Leigh for a long time until she landed some work and money. </p><p>“Alyssa your not….”</p><p>“I can’t go back in there Todd my ex husband is sitting there eating a fucking burger. I had something great with him and I threw it away cause James came back into my life. Now James has fucked off and left me alone cause I wouldn’t show any ounce of love towards him cause I needed time” Clearly a lot of steam I needed to vent out of me and Leigh stood there and listened to me at least it wasn’t costing money but I bet Leigh had to deal with my mothers woes after we moved in with her.</p><p>“Alyssa I know you clearly cared for James maybe its best you let him go and move forward in your life” those words I knew were coming I didn’t want to accept that.</p><p>“I want him back……..we been through so much I just fucked up everything. Did you see that car in the parking lot” Leigh looked at me as I started to walk around the cafe out to the front area and pointed at it she noticed the car and knew it was James. “I don’t recall seeing James car there…..” she honestly wasn’t aware of it at all now I can’t help but feel something was very wrong here. </p><p>“I hadn’t seen him at all….” Leigh scratched her head as I decided to go check it out though Leigh stopped me in my tracks. “Alyssa just maybe wait for now you need to get back to your shift work” I could have kept walking I decided again word of reason I should take heed of here. I sighed and decided to head back inside luckily Todd was leaving and he walked right passed me. At least he was gone now.</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------<br/>
JAMES POV</p><p>Today there been no call  about the car and it was making me feel anxious. Declan been busy with his writing I didn't want to disturb him. I went about the house doing chores trying to keep myself busy I wondered if he was going to share what he was working on. He been listening to the stuff he recorded and when I drifted into the lounge area he would look up brief and back at his laptop.</p><p>“Isn’t it odd that the police hadn’t found my car…..” I stood in front of his desk as he pretend to not listen to me, though after typing for a bit he paused and looked at me. “I hadn’t received any news about it ok so calm down. How about we do something together?” Declan then reached into his desk drawer my brows knitted inwards and my eyes widen a little when he produced a hand gun and placed it on the table. This was major alarm bells going off now in my head, first the knife which he allowed me to wield now a gun what is going on here I had to think to myself.</p><p>“A Glock 17 what you doing with one of those?” I was hesitant to touch the weapon though Declan seemed now interested in how I was reacting to it. “You know what sort of gun this is interesting James. Do you know much about guns?” I just realised this was just his way of digging into my head finding out about me. He clearly was doing this so he could get some insight into how my mind ticked. I use to be into guns but never used one, I been  the target to one twice more than any other person experience it in a life time.</p><p>“I use to but again that I kind of forgotten about it. I never really used a gun before have you?” Declan picked up the gun and held it in his hand he honestly looked like he was some sort of potential killer I didn’t want to focus on that cause part of it was really giving me adrenaline rush which I was liking, maybe cause he looked dangerous and somewhat sexy. “You want to go outside and give it a whirl” Declan slid out of his desk chair and we headed out the side door into the yard. I couldn’t help but feel tingly as I then noticed the statue in front of me. I didn’t take much notice the first time I was out here then I noticed a bullet hole or two in it that sent a shiver down my spine. </p><p>“Something to aim at, its fun shooting this thing to pieces I’ll I like to visual someone I just want to kill and let it rip. Here if you need any guidance” he handed the gun to me I felt its weight, this was far from me and my fake gun hold up I resorted to at the petrol station. Even then I remembered that was the exact gun I said I had in order to convince the gas station lady to let Alyssa go. I tried to remember how one operates a gun always take a breath in and take into the account the back fire from the gun itself so maintaining it steady hand was important and also careful aim. Declan moved away from me and sat down on one of the lounge chairs leaving me standing there holding this weapon in my hand.</p><p>“You do realise you made a mistake….giving me a live gun what makes you think I wouldn’t turn and shoot you?” Declan expression went from somewhat confident to now seeing his error in the situation. “You don’t have the guts to shoot me besides you love me don’t you James?” I gripped the gun in my hand I heard those words. It seemed pointless to shoot Declan but something inside me snapped I turned the gun and aimed it at him he sat there staring at it “You realise I’m willing to accept death your just giving me an easy way out of this life….not to mention you be murdering me” my hands were shaking a little but suddenly jolt I steady the gun at kept it aiming at him he just looked at me like I was pathetic and bluffing then I pulled the trigger.</p><p>Click. Click… Click…. Declan smirked and laid back in the chair smug like, the gun was empty I didn’t even check the magazine for bullets. “James I thought your knew your guns also never give a live gun to a person who doesn’t know how to use one” Declan laughed at me I felt utter embarrassment Declan was smart cunning and unpredictable. I looked at the gun in my hand which was useless unless I use it in another way. I hadn’t watched many action films though I seen people use the empty gun as object to strike blows to a person until they could get another gun with ammo inside it. </p><p>“What was the point in giving me a gun if there’s nothing in it!” I blurted out and waved the  gun about in my hand he just shrugged “I wanted to see how you react and as suspected you really were willing to kill me” he got up from the chair and went over to me then I decided to make a move “Now James...” then I swiped the gun across his face he stumbled back a bit his face was stuck to the side as he felt the blunt force of my attack he stared blankly and then I realised what I did. “I don’t know what the fuck you doing Declan you deserved that” I shoved him and he grabbed me and I realised we were near the pools edge I didn’t want to be shoved into that again. “You bastard….James….you full of fucking surprises” I tried to wrestle him off me the gun had been released from my hand and Declan sent me to the ground.</p><p>“You surrender James? Do you?” he was on top of me I tried to fend him off but he sent a punch to my face that brought upon pain not to mention I felt like I was bleeding. I coward put my hands up covering my face and Declan got the message. He got off me and once again I was on the ground feeling pain he went and picked the gun and stuffed into his waist band of his pants “You make a fine killer James deep down you will realise that was your calling in life” Declan headed back inside as I sat up and stared blood was leaking from my nose which I touched with my fingers. He was pushing me towards something I’m starting to wonder more about what was going on here I don’t understand it.</p><p>Declan seemed to returned to his desk and was typing away again as I came back inside holding my nose he seemed to handed me a tissue again I took it and tended to my blood nose. “I don’t think I could love you….” from there I left the room and went to the bathroom where I stood in front of the mirror. It wasn’t bad I managed to clean it up I noted any other signs of his battering on my body there were some minor bruises I clearly left a red mark on his face that could turn purple if was hard enough. This was a chance to look at the cabinet he didn’t seemed to have moved from his desk when I left the room. He could easily appear again and terrorise me I doubled check to make sure he wasn’t upstairs.</p><p>I reluctantly opened the cabinet and saw the pills I wouldn’t have a clue what they were treating him for there seemed to be a few of them. Some were clearly for headaches and stuff ones were prescription drugs I closed the cabinet and left the bathroom.<br/>
--------------------------------------------------------</p><p>ALYSSA POV</p><p>The rest of my shift was tedious I tried to ignore the urge to rush out to check the car out which was still there well truly as night was settling upon. I wondered when my mother be coming by to collect me. I decided to venture away from the cafe and headed over to the car closer I got I could swear I saw someone sitting in it though they tried to duck down. I got to the drivers door and it opened to reveal someone I never expected to see again. Bonnie was there staring at me “Bonnie…..what the fuck” I said as she grabbed my wrist and tried to pull me towards her “Alyssa I need you to get in the car now!” she said though I wrestled out of her grip and stood a few feet away “What the fuck is going on….. why you got Jame’s car did you do something to him” I yelled as Bonnie giving me a look “I done nothing to James….I want to talk to you. I know where James is…...and I could help get him back...” Bonnie voiced in a calm tone she didn’t look menacing then again she could have a weapon stashed in the glove box.</p><p>“How can I trust you Bonnie….I thought we got you put away for good. How the heck you got out of jail?”  I remained out of her reach she stayed in the car with the door open. “I’ll tell you if you get in the car” she said thought it was then the sudden honking of a horn had  ended the conversation I noticed my mother had arrived and she pulled up along side me. Bonnie retreated she started the car and went I stood there stunned then spun around and got into mothers car and we headed home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The vanishing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>JAMES POV</p><p>Once again I had a nightmare about Alyssa being in danger and not making out what was going on I wondered if I was making noises whilst I was asleep cause I eventually woke up and saw Declan hovering over me looking concern “Whats wrong you been restless in your sleep?” I didn’t know whether to even bother telling him after what happened yesterday. I really needed to start asking him questions about him like what he was suffering from? What happened to his mother? Why he seemed determined to make me his subject for his writing?.</p><p>“Nothing…..”</p><p>“Ok then I’m just concern that’s all you were all over the place” his phone pinged and he reached over to the side table and looked at it. I watched his expression and then he typed something and sent it away. “You seemed pretty attached to your phone….I take it nothing from the police still” Declan stretched his limbs and leaned over and given me a kiss on the head. “You feel like going out today?” he then got out of bed after spending most of yesterday avoiding him the night together there wasn’t any interactions I was still mad at him I wanted to keep my distance. I didn’t say much at all I went about making dinner, cleaning and we showered separately. </p><p>“Where are we going?” I asked as he was already in the process of getting dressed I bit my lip I watched he could tell I was staring at him. He had a body I would love to have I shifted in the bed and looked away from him. I did find him very attractive could I see myself being with him for good I don’t know anymore. I spent about three days with him and already see so many sides to him that it was hard for to understand how he functions at all. </p><p>“Declan I think we need to talk...I want to know about you I think that’s fair don’t you” I waited for the response though he wasn’t quick to give me one. I got out of bed and started to grab my clothes eventually Declan replied “Ok...James. What you want to know?” he sounded irritated now as he put his shirt on and sat down on the bed to put his shoes on. “Whats the medication treating?” he finished off tie up his shoes laces and looked at me “I have Bi polar….if you wonder why I’m snap at you or sound depressed cause that’s what I go through every day. The medication suppose to control it to a point where I’m not out of control” that answered my question, it answered a lot of things though I hated to ask him more questions.</p><p>“Have you suffer from it for a while?”</p><p>“Yes….” he replied flatly as he stood up and walked over to me and stared at me as I already in my clothes “Ok….” Declan pulled me into his arms and held me for a while I allowed it his hands stayed on the outside of my clothes and soon he let me go and walked away out of the room. I still thinking about Alyssa being in danger was this dream like a premonition I didn’t really believe that sort of thing. It was some time before I decided to come downstairs Declan seemed to had eaten a bowl of cereal I noticed the box was left out on the bench and the empty bowl in the sink. I cleaned it and put it away and stood there in the kitchen I heard no noises at all.</p><p>“Declan?” I called and came out of the kitchen no reply, I went into the lounge it was empty I started to feeling something was wrong. Then I decided to look out the front window to see that his car was gone, I realised I was alone in the house. I started looking around and notice his laptop I never really looked at it then I remembered the gun he pulled out of the desk drawer. I opened the drawers and looked to notice the weapon is gone. This wasn’t a good sign at all I had to find out about his condition and whatever he is been writing about me for. </p><p>I opened the laptop and noticed it was idle sitting though as soon as I moved the mouse the screen saver went and showed a document of text. This must have been the book he was trying to write I noticed a lot of the stuff I said and he seemed to try and break down it psychologically I then clicked onto another window and saw a message he must have typed out for me. I read it and I felt utter wave of panic hit me, he says his no longer wanted to continue our courtship and that it was over.</p><p>“oh….fuck.. no” I shifted away from the desk and realised I had no idea where he went. He taken the car and left me alone with no way of reaching him. I broke down I honestly should just grab my stuff and leave I didn’t think Declan was going to come to the conclusion that he didn’t want to live anymore. I clearly wasn’t enough of a reason for him and it hurt me deeply.<br/>
--------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>ALYSSA POV</p><p>I swear every time I closed my eyes I saw James face this time I saw Bonnie’s that scared me. I didn’t know what today was going to be like but knowing Bonnie is in Jame’s car and her wanted to talk to me. Something about it was off and now I’m wonder if I was right to not believe her. What if she does know about James whereabouts or something else that could be much bigger. After I got myself ready my mother was once again needed my help with the twins I honestly just wanted to take the car and drive off.</p><p>“Alyssa where are you going?” she asked I honestly didn’t want to talk to her my mind was now focus on Bonnie and finding her. “Out” I just said and slammed the front door behind me, all I could is walk and hope so how I run into her. I highly doubt she knew where I live so I had no idea where to go. Mother hadn’t come after me she stuck with the twins, finally some sort of freedom I use to have though I shared that with James. After walking for awhile I paused and then heard a car coming I turned and saw it was Bonnie. She saw me and pulled the car over to the curb and stopped.</p><p>“Alyssa….get in” Bonnie gestured to the passenger door which I decided to open I looked inside no sign of anything dangerous I quickly opened the glove box which she didn’t seem to mind though she given me an odd look. No sign of a gun or anything but she could be having it on herself or backpack. “You getting in the car?” I did and I closed the door and started to drive again. “What you know about James? How did you end up with his car? Where is he?” the questions I fired at her though I never pry into how she ended out of prison in the first place.</p><p>“Those questions all connect to one person, oddly enough the one person who got me out of jail” Bonnie kept her eyes on the road as I waited for a name. “you going to tell me who?” I arched a brow as she sighed “His name is Declan Koch….I couldn’t believe it that Clive Koch was married at one point that he knocked up a woman who ended up having a child of his. To think he left his wife and child to go and well you know…..I was foolish to think he was a decent man” just my luck James is stuck with the child of the mad man he killed to save me. No wonder whenever I looked at that guy I saw Clive’s face staring at me. “Why did Declan get you released for?” Bonnie again remained focused on the road clearly she was taking me somewhere “He knew about my relations with his father, that he wanted to pick my brain about what made me want to become a psychopath. Might explain why he is interested in James cause he wants to write a book about what makes people want to kill” that seemed to make sense but also it was scaring me knowing that James was the a guinea pig in an experiment.</p><p>“You don’t feel the need to get revenge on me and James? How do I know this Declan isn’t trying to do that and he got you involved to try and do some of the dirty work” things were starting to become more complicated as I had more questions. “I don’t feel the need to get revenge...I’m more than willing to help you get James back before something bad happens to him” Clearly Bonnie has had a change of heart now I’ll believe her words she seemed calm it was then I realised where she drove to Clive Koch's house. The nightmare was there forever for me and now I noticed someone inside the house at the front window. I couldn’t make them out before I knew the front door opened and James came rushing out and halted in his tracks. “Alyssa!!” he cried I got out of the car and went over to him and hugged him.</p><p>“James you ok? Where’s this Declan guy!” I noticed that James was upset and distressed then he saw Bonnie and backed up and saw his car. “My car! Where the hell did you find it?” he went over to it and checked it over. Bonnie looked at me and then at James “I’m glad you have come cause Declan has disappeared…. I’m scared” that wasn’t I thought and then he looked at Bonnie again “Bonnie…… what the hell you doing out of jail….. with my car…...” James obvious didn’t know what was going on here.</p><p>“James calm down...”</p><p>“I need to find Declan and stop him from ending it” James went over to the drivers side and got in Bonnie and I climbed into the car I took the front seat and she sat in the back. “I want answers to my questions Bonnie!” Bonnie jumped at James outburst as I could tell he was clearly upset. James started up the car and we pulled away from the house into the street and drove along James gripped the steering wheel as he fought back tears he was very upset “Declan visited me, he got me released I was allowed to go on good behaviour. Then his plan was for me to steal your car and keep you from leaving. He was using this as way to get into the mind of a psychopath, He clearly was using you James and me...for his book content” Bonnie said as James realised Declan lied about calling the police, he never called the cops at all about his car.</p><p>“Oh my god...he been communicating with you…...all the text messages he was constantly checking his phone and stuff. Alyssa I’m so sorry for leaving you in the first place” James was struggling now I didn’t know if he could keep it together cause he looked like he been through a lot in a short period of time. “James had Declan done anything to you?” I had to know if James was alright I couldn’t tell if this Declan guy was malice or not. “I was a foolish Alyssa to leave you, I couldn’t wait anymore I was bored. After spending time with Declan he was clearly disturbed yet very lonely. We had a fight he tried to get into my head. He made think about the past  to try and get psychopath side of me to expose itself. I didn’t know what else he had plan me to do. It was bad….yet I had feelings for him” James started crying now I wanted to comfort him maybe be better if he didn’t drive in this state.</p><p>“Bonnie could you please try and find out where Declan could have gone” Bonnie began tending to her phone “Can I take over the driving like I was before, James clearly needs time to settle down” James soon pulled the car over and parked it. Bonnie got out of the car and James reluctantly moved into the back seat I decided to move to the back to be with him. “Cant believe what is happening…...” James stuttered as he leaned against me I never seen him so upset. I think the last time I saw him this upset was when were waiting for Bonnie get out of the chemist. We fought over how I didn’t care that James was stuck in hospital after being shot in the side. I never visited him at all, the fact it had left him crippled and took months and months for him to recover from. He put his life on the line to protect me I didn’t seem to care I was stupid back then.</p><p>“James everything is going to be ok...will find him” I said as I comforted him first time in a while since we been this close. I had no idea where Bonnie was taking us but some how I had a feeling she knew since Declan had been messaging her as to whether Declan was going to do self harm himself I don’t know. The ride felt long but soon enough we were venturing into familiar territory the ocean was not far from where were driving along the country road heading towards where Alyssa father lived. </p><p>Though Bonnie pulled off the main road onto a dirt track and drove down it “Look where we are Alyssa….” James said I noticed the landscape soon enough we came to end of the track and there was Declan’s car parked.</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------<br/>
JAMES POV</p><p>Being with Alyssa again some what felt like being home. I couldn't help reflect on the last two or three days that Declan had sparked something inside me. Something I desired so much though if only he wasn’t suffering from a mental illness. He wasn’t a bad person though he wasn’t the right person I should have been with. I connected with him he made me feel what I wanted to feel loved, desired and needed. The things that Alyssa had neglected for too long I felt torn. Why must Declan be like this? I prayed he hadn’t decided to end his life.</p><p>I checked the car out it was empty I then went into the glove and notice the knife was sitting there untouched but no sign of the gun. I grabbed the knife and started to run over the hill I saw the ocean stretched out before me. All I could hope was not to see Declan’s body lying on the sand. The tide had came in there was no muddiness stretching into the horizon which meant Declan was restricted to the shore line that’s if he didn’t walk into the waves and killed himself.</p><p>I looked around and soon enough I saw a body couple metres away lying on the sand motionless. I couldn’t stop myself from fearing the worst I headed over to it behind me Alyssa and Bonnie had reached the sands I wasn’t aware of what was going on between them. I soon reached and hovered Declan’s body it was then I broke down “No…..no…..” I cried though wasn’t aware of what was going to happen next. “JAMES!!!” Alyssa cried I whirled around and saw Bonnie armed with a gun and Alyssa was in her grip something wasn’t right at all Alyssa was being held at gun point and then I felt something pressed into the back of me “Surprise…...” I heard Declan’s guttural voice as I stood still I had the knife but I concealed carefully away in my pocket lucky it folded in on itself.</p><p>“Declan..I thought you killed yourself…..”</p><p>“Oh no James I decided it was time to try and speed up the separation process here. Bonnie been very co operative with me” Declan gestured with his head at Bonnie who pressed the gun into her head. It was a trap and we fell into it now both me and Alyssa were stuck at gun point fearing for the end. “Declan you can’t do this, its a crime your committing here you will end up in prison….” I said confidently though he moved the gun to the side of my head. I felt his arm wrapped around me holding me against him. He moved his face to the other side planting a kiss on me cheek “I might...then I’m feeling such adrenaline right now..” Declan’s breath assaulted my ear it was almost erotic yet I couldn’t resist it.</p><p>“Your were very gullible to fall for this” Bonnie said as Alyssa looked terrified she saw how Declan was toying over me.<br/>
“I thought you changed Bonnie, after all that time behind bars. Clearly you still seemed to want to get rid of me cause of what happened to your lover” Alyssa spat at her she twisted her wrist though Bonnie sent a kick to the back of her leg and Alyssa was shoved onto her knees. “Declan call Bonnie off Alyssa, if you want to kill someone you can kill me”  Declan nuzzled his head against mine he looked at Bonnie who was waiting for a signal. </p><p>I couldn’t risk pulling out the knife cause he would had a load gun now “James are you regretting not killing Alyssa when you had the chance…..” Declan was now toying with me I tried to not listen to his voice “I don’t have any regrets even if I did I would been murderer stuck behind bars now feeling remorse” I said between gritted teeth though Declan then yelled “Bonnie shoot her” he said as Bonnie pulled Alyssa off the ground and started to dragging her away “JAMES!!” she cried them a gun fired I winced and heard the deafening sound in my ear but it wasn’t Bonnie pulling the trigger. It was Declan and the bullet shot Bonnie down in the back of the head Alyssa was in shock she escaped Bonnie who fallen face into the sands dead.</p><p>Alyssa stayed where she was she didn’t dare move cause Declan was still armed and the fact he shot Bonnie down it could be the case he could shoot her. “You killed… Bonnie….” I stuttered in fear as he moved the gun away from my head “I wonder if this how you felt when you killed someone….this going to be good addition to my book” I wanted to punch Declan in the face though the fact that Alyssa was unharmed made me wondered if he accepted my relations with her. It dawned me now this was the nightmare I had it was a lucid dream that actually happened before my eyes though Declan was still armed but he had backed off from me and turned to face him.</p><p>“You are cold, heartless, you manipulated Bonnie into your scheme only just to kill her” I spat at him with anger coursing through my veins I didn’t feel fearful now.</p><p>“So...your problems solved” he said smugly </p><p>“What was the point of dragging Bonnie out of jail to only kill her...she didn’t deserved that none of us deserve this!!” I couldn't bring myself to make a move the gun was still in his possession. I didn’t know what Alyssa was doing I hope common sense has her calling the police on her phone. Declan didn’t seem to understand the ramifications that had happened “You will go to jail you will realise the nightmare you going to be stuck in now. You are so foolish Declan….” Declan faced did twisted he looked like he was pain the words I said had got to him “Remember how I said it be nice if we died together… lets make that happen shall we” Declan raised the gun up, I had to do something but I didn’t want to harm Declan in the process or myself.</p><p>“Declan stop this and think what about your family? And me. You ignited something inside me I thought I was never going to feel. It makes me feel so sad that its just all a huge miss understanding” I said as he was pressing the gun into the side of his head. This was killing me inside I might had liked Declan, and deep down he liked me he even thought I loved him I never dare utter that to him. “SHUT UP!” Declan cried though his hand was shaking I wanted to try and calm him down make him reconsider pulling the trigger. “Declan please put the gun down you don’t need to do this” I begged I couldn’t tell what Alyssa was doing though I hope Declan attention was on me. I pray and hope the police were coming as fast as they could. </p><p>Declan was shaking I could tell he looked completely shattered, he looked past me at Alyssa and then down at Bonnie’s body. “When you said you couldn’t love me...it hurt me hard I thought we had something. You said it made you feel things that you hadn’t felt. I could have given you what you wanted” Declan was slowly giving up he was coming to his senses. I watched him he soon given up on the gun and let it fall to the ground I really wanted to hug him at least now the gun was out of his possession behind me Alyssa heard the sound of sirens the police had come, I backed away from him though look of devastation on his face.</p><p>The police soon descended onto the beach and they came over to where me and Declan stood. They also were tending to Bonnie’s body everything had came to end the police picked up the gun from the ground and placed it into a bag and Declan surrendered but they also pulled me away. I saw the female detectives the ones from the first stint we had they were surprised to see it was us again. The police man brought me over and yet kept a hold on me “James is innocent here….Declan the one who shot Bonnie” Alyssa pleas as the policeman let me go I looked at Alyssa and she looked at me.</p><p>“Right we will still need to take you two in to file a report” the detective said as we both knew what was going to happen. Bonnie body was taken away in a body bag and I watched as Declan was hand cuffed he looked at me though he wasn’t putting up much of a fight against the police directing him into the back of the police car. “What about the car?” the detective looked over at the vehicle and ordered one of her men to take that away. </p><p>“We will take care of everything, for now just need you to co operate and we will require give your testimonies” Alyssa held my hand, the hand that was scar from the time I shoved it into a deep fryer. “He wont be going to jail...he suffers from a mental health condition. His mother is in hospital he hadn’t seen her...his grandmother is worried about him” I couldn’t stop myself talking though whatever I say to the detective I don’t know if it will be taken into account.</p><p>“Ok I understand but for now we have a dead body, a scene which Alyssa described as being kidnapped and held at gun point. As to whether Declan had acted in self defence or intent to commit manslaughter we have to decided that” the woman said in understanding firm tone she was doing her job. It was still hard for me to accept that this was how it was going to end. If Declan was a different person I might have had a relationship with him and forgotten about Alyssa, in the end Alyssa was forever going to be the person I’ll want to be with.</p><p>“We weren’t aware of being kidnapped...we knew Bonnie from prior incident we didn’t expect what to happen occur” Alyssa spoke as we were led back over the hill towards the where all the cars were parked. It was clear whatever Declan had in mind wasn’t meant to have played out so wrongly. Unless he really did have malice intents to hurt us so he could experience the whole idea of what it was like to be a killer. I guess he will never finish writing that book he set out to do in the first place. Soon enough me and Alyssa were allowed to go we still had to go to the police station that was schedule for the next day. </p><p>“Cant believe we dodge death again James…..its weird this time I feel so numb” Alyssa got into the car I sat in the drivers seat. Felt like old times again “Yes we did, I don’t plan on leaving you again...though I love you do you still love me?” I had to ask I needed to know cause I had to get over Declan. It pains so much that now he will be taken away from me who knows if ill go see him or not. “I love James, I know I have to make for all the time we were apart. Where you going to live?” that was a question I hoped Alyssa might happy given me an idea.</p><p>I started up the car and we started to head back down the track onto the main road and drove away “Alyssa I don’t know….I have to go back to that house get my stuff and well...I really don’t want to live in the car” I was feeling like crying again I was homeless again. Alyssa placed a comforting hand on my shoulder she was showing signs of sympathy towards me “I’ll try and see if mother will let you stay with us. You are my boyfriend” she rambled off as I heard the word boyfriend come out of her mouth for the first time.</p><p>“Ok” I replied to her and smiled I kept driving along as darkness was soon settling in we managed to get back to Declan’s house. Though we pulled up and notice that someone was there, it was the old woman that must been Declan’s grandmother she saw us pull in and came out the door “Hey who are you? Wait.. you I remember you two. Your the one who killed my son” she started to raise her voice we remained inside the car. “Wheres my grandson!!” the old woman cried as I could tell she clearly not aware of what has happened.</p><p>“Declan been arrested for killing Bonnie….he been taken by the police into holding cell until he is found guilty” The old woman looked stunned she didn’t want to believe what I was saying Alyssa and I watched her lose it I really wish we could calm her down. “I’m sorry but I need to get my things from inside and leave” I said flatly as she shot a look at me one which was hostile more so distressed. “Get your things and leave.. I’ll have to make a trip the police station and also tell his mother she going to be distraught. Bad enough he didn’t even go see her at all. She suffering from cancer hence Declan is living alone with his bi polar and doing this stupid book about killers…..” the old woman continued talking as I got out of the car and headed towards the front door she trailed behind me for a bit.</p><p>“Again I’m sorry….I’ll be quick” I headed the stairs and entered the room and looked around then grabbed my stuff out of the drawer and left. This was going to be very last time I was going to be in this house his grandmother was still there waiting for me to leave which I did. She locked the door and stopped me for a moment “Were you living here with him?” I just nodded and then she let me go standing there trying to process everything “I was for a short period of time. He had his moments where he cared for me, I know he clearly regretting what he has done. Lets just hope for the least punishment” the woman tried to accept what I was saying as comforting Alyssa didn’t get out of the car she sat and watched us.</p><p>It felt wrong to leave this poor woman here by herself but she soon headed on her way and we left the house behind. “I guess we will head back to your place” Alyssa had already  been giving me a look she really wanted to kiss me I kind of got the feeling she did. I did a quick kiss which made her smile I missed that smile. “James…..you really should focus on the road” she said sarcastically.</p><p>Felt like old times again I was looking forward to Alyssa finally feeling we could start our relationship we been prolonging for so long. Being in the car and see her smiling and fooling around we soon pulled into the drive way of her house to see her mother was standing out there waiting for her daughter to come home. “Alyssa where the hell you been!!” she rushed over and hugged her then saw same me and her face changed and she held Alyssa close to her before she pried herself away and went over to me “James...” I stood there with my bag of my belongings in my hand looking pitiful “Mum James is homeless, and his my boyfriend I want him to live with us” Alyssa giving her mother the puppy dog eyes pleading for her mother to have a change of heart.</p><p>“Alright Alyssa….come inside James you might as well tell me what has happened” honestly I didn’t want to specially after our brush with death. Alyssa was reluctant to talk but she decided to not mention anything about Declan or Bonnie at all. “I went for a walk and I saw James driving around, we talked he told me he ended up leaving that guy and decided be best if we were together. I’m just happy to have him back” the words moved me so much I wanted to cry though Alyssa mother seemed to moved too that she started to sob herself.</p><p>“I’m sorry that I hadn’t accepted your relationship….I’m just happy Alyssa is alright and everything” Alyssa sighed as her mother sobbed I tried to keep the tears from flowing it was great that there’s been finally a break through here. “I guess we better find somewhere for you to sleep” Alyssa took my hand and we started upstairs I felt love again between us I think she has changed a lot, I feel like I have in a way too. So this is how it ends. As for Declan’s fate there were grey areas though consider circumstances he could end up facing jail time. We kind of kept this away from her mother knowledge as we had to go back and give our testimonies. I couldn’t help but look at Declan I felt Alyssa squeeze my hand tightly and assured things be fine.</p><p>His grandmother was present and verdict was reached and sure it wasn’t looking good for him at all. Regardless what his grandmother said about his health condition and how he wouldn’t have any intent of killing another human. It was hard for me to speak on the stand but I could only tell the truth. I told the judge Declan clearly wasn’t in the right state of mind due to his bi polar which effected him. I said Declan was a decent man I didn’t bring up about his random attacks on me or the love we formed for that short period of time. I didn’t want Alyssa to know that detail I just got back with her now.</p><p>Declan wanted to explore the mind of a killer and had gone too far he was clearly regretting it. Whilst we were in court, his grandmother received a call from the hospital and excused herself from the court room. “Sorry I need to take this call” she said as the judge called for a break in the hearing. We sat there in silence though wasn’t long until she came back looking very upset. “Your honour I like to let my grandson know that his mother has died. Is it possible we could go to the hospital at least for him to see her one last time” Declan was shattered emotionally the judge decided to allow it and the court session ended.</p><p>Declan and his grandmother were escorted out and over to their car by the police we watched them soon leave.</p><p>“I feel awful for him…….he lost his mother…..he lost his freedom everything” I walked along with Alyssa who was attached my arm we went over to where we parked the car. I couldn’t help but think about how lucky I was not to end up in jail after that killing of Clive Koch. I realised I withheld information that could had added onto Declan sentence I know that was wrong to withhold the truth I did to try and soften the blow for him.<br/>
--------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>ALYSSA POV</p><p>James and I were feeling Declan’s loss James seemed to be taking it badly I wondered if there was more between him and Declan. I didn’t know whether to ask him about it though we left the court and decided to go somewhere to eat, we hadn’t eaten together in a long time kind if missed that part of our relationship we had. We found a table and sat down we were dressed nicely cause we had to go to court, the suit that James worn most of the last time I saw him was back on him he looked so dapper. I did have a nice dress on compare to ones I worn previously at least it wasn’t the wedding gown.</p><p>I did feel hungry and James seemed to be already digging into his meal though he looked over at me. “What?” I said he still seemed down I could tell even a meal together trying to forget what has happened isn’t going to solve the sadness that James was carrying on his shoulders. “I held back on the truth in court….I didn’t want make Declan feel even worse than he did. I feel guilty like I done something wrong” clearly I felt a little surprised that he was confessing to me but he needed to talk I was here to listen.</p><p>“James you can tell me….I’m sure whatever to didn’t say wouldn’t be so bad” I waited as he took in a deep breath and a sip from the water he had order. He clasped his hands on the table before his plate of food “I had feelings for Declan we kissed and stuff but there were times were he would have angry outburst and well hurt me…..once I knew that he had bi polar it made sense as to why he acted the way he did. The thing that bothered me the most he tried to keep me from seeing you again” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing though James looked like he was on the verge of crying though he tried to maintain his composure since we were in a public place.</p><p>I leaned over and placed my hands on his and looked at him “It’s ok James….I shouldn’t been so shrew, I should have kept giving you affection regardless the fact that you lost the ability to well….” I trailed off that was going to sting him more, I did wonder what be like if James was a father he would been a great father, even though he was knowledge in something that other people wouldn’t be in I found it fascinating. “I guess we kind of even though you had been with two men compare to my one” he seemed to have chuckled a little as I given him a smile “Did you like him that way?” I had to ask and James nodded “I think if the right guy catches my eye like he did, if they aren’t so messed up in the head” James was clearly admitting he liked men.</p><p>It didn’t really bother me much as it should have but I did take a playful swipe at him “Hey what was that for” he said I folded my arms across my chest. “I hope you don’t plan on leaving me again. He didn’t like fuck you?” that made James just shake his head like he was somewhat disappointed in missing that “No...he didn’t we shared a bed but we didn’t explore that aspect at all” this was somewhat good news I hate to know if he had sex with Declan before he even did it with me. At the same time Declan could have given him that where as I don’t if would been the same coming from me. “I’m just happy to have you back I’ll make up for everything, at least my mother had come around she clearly was moved by the whole “romance” thing” James resumed to eating his meal again he seemed to cheered up a little I too got back to eating. We talked more and not about what had happened between us it was more of what does the future hold. James was never going to leave me I don’t want him to ever too, if at some point our relationship fizzles out and we ended up finding someone else it be a mutual friendship that will keep us together forever.</p><p>The End</p>
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